“Yeah, well, it’s not what I want.”
“But it is what you signed on for,” Mama reminded me.
“That’s true, but there are other things that I didn’t. Things that I don’t want to compromise on.”
“Like what, Son?”
I knew she picked up on the resignation in my tone. “I want children, Ma. I want to start a family.”
“So does she, or at least that’s what you’ve expressed to me in the past. Something’s changed?”
“Not really. Some things are better left unsaid. But now that everything’s about to fall apart at the seams, I might as well tell you. Beth never wanted kids; it was just something she said toeveryone because it was expected of her. She finally agreed to start a family, but not the traditional way,” I said, sitting up.
“The traditional way?”
“She wants to hire a surrogate mother because she’s afraid of what bearing children might do to her body,” I explained dryly.
My mother did not respond with words. A simple sigh was all she would allow herself. I rubbed my hand down my face, and then I pulled my hand away to stare at my wedding ring.
“I don’t know what I’ve done, Ma. But sometimes, it feels as if I’ve sold my soul to the devil.”
“Don’t you say that. Listen, I know that your heart is good. Perhaps if you work harder or really open up to her, maybe she’ll have a change of heart. I thought the two of you were going to counseling. What happened with that?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing away the image of Dr. Giselle Champagne and those sexy little suits and elegant African attire she wore. As was always the case, I felt myself growing excited at the mere thought of her.
“Well, when the tables turned on her, and she started having to answer for herself, you know she gave up. So, she hasn’t been going. I honestly don’t think it would have done us some good.”
“Casimir, maybe it would’ve, maybe it wouldn’t’ve. Who knows? What I’m concerned about is what this is going to do to your career. Will they keep you on at Glenco or find a way to terminate you? I just want to make sure that you’ve thought this all out in detail. You have a lot to lose leaving Bethany, Casimir.”
“And I’ve even more to lose if I stay, Ma,” I countered, standing up from the couch and walking back to the picture window. My sanity and independence weren’t all I would lose if I stayed in this marriage. I just might lose myself altogether.
Giselle
Iclosed the file I had been reading and opened another one. Before reading a single word, I removed my reading glasses and rubbed my eyes vigorously. I had not been getting much sleep lately. It seemed as if my sleep was peppered with dreams of Elijah. And if it wasn’t Elijah, then it was Bethany and Casimir.
I looked at the clock that hung over the bookshelf and noted it was five minutes until the next appointment with the Perezes. Part of me wished they would call and cancel. I was tired of the ongoing battle of will between the couple and me. Somehow, I had to regain control of these sessions and help them make some sort of progress once more. Otherwise, I could not explain charging them for a service that was not beneficial to them.
I called Dr. Amelia Childs to see if she could take the couple on, especially as a favor to me. Yet, my mentor and old friend had firmly stated she wasn’t accepting any new clients. She was ready to scale back a bit as she prepared for retirement. She had given me a couple of references whom she thought would be the perfect fit for the couple, but I had not had a chance to follow up with them.
Today, I needed to get to the heart of the matter. What did they believe was the roadblock that hindered their progress to healing? I needed to determine if they would be willing to tackle that issue and how committed to the fight they were. There were some serious issues in their marriage, and I was certain they did not recognize all of them. There was something a bit off about their marriage, but I had yet to put a finger on it. That was unlike me.
The buzzing of my phone drew me out of my thoughts.
Grabbing the phone from its cradle, I whipped out a snappy, “Yes?”
“Your next appointment is here,” Imani replied in a sing-song voice. “Positive energy,” she whispered, obviously noting my dark mood.
Looking at the clock again, I realized I could no longer avoid the inevitable.
“Okay, send them in,” I replied with a sigh.
“Mm-hmm,” Imani replied. There was something in her tone of voice when she made that one sound that alerted me something was going on.
“Lord, please guide me and help me to understand what I’m supposed to give to this couple. Use me, Lord, to do Your will,” I whispered after hanging up the phone with Imani.
A light knock at the door helped me to compose myself as I forced a smile on my face and placed my reading glasses on before I stood.
“Good evening, Mr. Perez. Where is Mrs. Perez?” I asked as he closed the door behind himself.