Page 57 of Hate Wrecked

Riley nods, pulling away. She walks to her blanket by the fire, beckoning me. So I move to the spot, warm from the fire and the body heat.

She lies on her back, staring up at the stars.

And after I’ve settled in, she doesn’t hitch her leg over mine. She doesn’t kiss my neck or tell me she wants me the way she has before. She reaches for my hand, threading her finger with mine.

The huskiness of her voice softens me. She becomes someone else when she sings. She loved covering other artists, but I knew her secret. She scribbled in notebooks, her own lyrics, her own thoughts and desires. Two of us were hiding in plain sight. We found each other in the dark of that house, away from the prying eyes of the toxic people who came and went.

I want her body, the desires she pours out. But instead, she offers me comfort—a piece of the past that doesn’t hurt as much. I turn my face toward her and see her eyes are closed, but she knows I’m watching. Her eyelashes flutter, and she smiles as she sings, her beautiful lips pink.

I love you.I think.I forgive you.I think.

And instead, I look up to the sky, closing my eyes.

THEN

ROWAN

We layon the hood of the car, the lights of LA below us. The sight never dulled for me, but Riley wasn’t looking. She was gazing up at the stars, or what you could see of them anyway. Maybe that was why the lights of the city fascinated me: because the lights of the universe were often obscured by smog in that chaotic city.

“Do you like living here?” she asked, raising her hand and tracing something in the sky.

“Yeah. It’s alright. Not where I want to be forever, though.”

“Me either. When I was younger, and my mom wasn’t acting much, we lived on the East Coast. My family has roots there, and my mom and dad wanted to raise us away from all of this. We lived on 200 acres in Katonah, New York, and had a tutor. I miss it.”

“What happened to it?”

“It’s abandoned. My mother got it in the divorce since her family used to live there. I guess someone tends to it, but…I don’t know.”

“Have you ever wanted to visit there?”

“I think it would feel weird. The family we had there doesn’t exist anymore. It wouldn’t be the same.”

“I would love to see it. I bet it’s beautiful.” It sounded like the kind of place I’d love to live. To write and be at peace. To raise a family one day. But those were thoughts I never said out loud. Especially to a young girl mourning the loss of her old life.

“It is. But Asa would never let you go there. He plays nice with my father, but… he’s jealous. Which is dumb.”

“Why is it dumb?” I asked, glancing at her profile.

“Because my parents are done.”

“Do you wish they weren’t?”

She shifted on the hood of the car. “I don’t know. In a fantasy world? Yes. But I know they weren’t happy together, or compatible. They didn’t fight the way my mom and Asa do, but…I don’t know. My mom was happy being away from all of this,” she waves her hand to Hollywood below, “but she also resented the roles and how they fell into place.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad got to keep his career. The way men always do when a family is started. My mother was away in the country raising us, and she loved it, but she missed making art. She missed acting. And now she isn’t even doing that, not on screen anyway.”

“When does he act?”

“With him,” she said, not elaborating.

I looked away, staring at the faint stars above. “With Asa.”

I didn’thatemy boss. But I didn’t exactly like him. And the more I talked to Riley, the more I observed the dynamic of the home, the more I judged him.

He didn’t seem committed to the whole marriage thing, and maybe he fell for the image of Riley’s mother. But what did I know about marriage? Except that sometimes one partner lied and had a double life—like my father.

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