Page 23 of Seven is Swell

“Is there anybody you’re not afraid to go head-to-head with?”

She seems to think about this. “If there is, I haven’t met them yet.”

“You're trouble.”

“You’re only saying that because you're so used to doing things on your own. It's good for you to stir things up a little.”

“We’ll see. By the way, where are the men paid to trail you day and night?”

“Don't you think that's a conflict of interest? It feels weird to me that they're being paid for that.”

“Don't change the subject. Where are they?”

“I sent them on an errand and then snuck out because I wanted some time to corner you alone. Didn't realize there was a schedule to be wary of.”

I actually like the edge of jealousy on her tongue, because it tells me things that I might not know otherwise, things I was ridiculous to doubt just moments ago. She did not like that woman talking to me. “If I have a schedule,” I tell her, “it’s so that I can spend time with you amidst all my other commitments.”

“Don’t try and go all smooth talk on me now after you’ve been avoiding me for the better part of a week. I’m actually quite angry with you.”

I can’t walk another step without fixing this. I tuck into the staff bathroom and flip the lock and then set her down. “I need you to look at me when I say this.”

“I’m listening,” she says, blinking slowly.

“I’m sorry. I messed up and it took me a few days to fully understand to what extent, but I need to fix this because it’s been killing me not talking to you. I…” I look away from her so I can try and control myself a bit more. “This is going to sound remarkably like an excuse, but I'm not used having to split my time with people and explain my choices to them.”

“You’re used to being in control, that’s what you meant to say. I think it came out wrong.”

“Yeah, that. That’s not going to work with us, is it?”

“No, it’s not. Not if you want this to be an actual mating and not just an ‘on paper’ one.”

“Is that whatyouwant? You seriously aren’t weirded out by the age gap or anything?”

Her fingers start trailing up my torso slowly, and I'm immediately transported back to the time she took the time to help make me comfortable with her. How she asked me to close my eyes as she touched me and got me used to her presence.

I don’t even realize my eyes are shut until I feel her lips press against mine, and they fly open when it catches me off guard. I'm too wrapped up in a good memory instead of living in the here and now.

“I don’t know what you need, Ash. Every time I think I have you figured out, something switches up and I'm left scrambling for purchase. The thing that we are is confusing. It started weird, and we had an even rockier start once I moved here, and now it isn’t even functioning. It hurts. I don’t know how much longer I can handle not knowing where I stand.

“There was a moment when I was sitting in that audience seat, when that woman was coming on to you, where I realized I had no idea how you would respond to her. I don’t know you well enough to comfortably predict whether you would rebuff her or let her make the move and see where it went. I thought it could go either way.

“I have no sense of your loyalty to me, and you’ve told me that this isn’t actually what you wanted when you chose to mark me. So, I’m giving you an out if you need it. For whatever reason, if being with me romantically, involved with me in a heavy way, isn’t what you need, then I’ll stop it. Stop the pestering, I’ll stop the weird texts, and I can just be your student. And no hard feelings if that’s what you need.

“I’m not going to hold it against you if you’re justhonestwith me. But I need to know now, Ash, so I can move forward one wayor another. Because you took me on that date and we did things, and now this… this isn’t what I need, and I can’t do this.”

My whole chest feels heavy, because I can hear and feel the burden she’s carrying in every word she says. I did that. I took this beautiful creature and made her hurt and made her question.

I place a palm in either side of her face and cradle her head, tilting it just so so I can see those gorgeous lavender eyes of hers as I bring my mouth closer. “I want it all, Delaney. I still hate myself for not giving you the choice to say no to me, but I can’t regret what it brought me. I don’t have to tell you that becoming pride male has messed with my head.

“I think underneath it all, I’m embarrassed by my father’s actions. Subconsciously, I imagined that being with youinstimately would make you associate me with him. It doesn’t have to make sense for it to be true, but I think that’s what this is. That’s why I haven’t talked to you in so many days, because I didn’t want to try and apologize sooner only for you to look at me and remember why we’re in this fight in the first place.

“My father was always pride male before he was my father. That was his number one goal and priority, and he never let me forget it. I don’t have very many examples of healthy relationships to look to, but I want that with you.

“I want the… communication, and the emotions, and the partnership, and the steady company along with that. I want you to come home to. In fact, Ineedit. I have been alone for so long, and maybe I’ve gotten set in my ways, but I know I can find ways to open up. I want to experience life like you experience life. Most importantly, I wantyou.” I bring my mouth to hers gently, but thoroughly. I taste her, I sip on her, I use my body pressedagainst hers to demonstrate the thoughts running through my head.

“I know it bothered you when I turned you down after our date,” I whisper into her ear, hands running over her hips and back and over her ass of perfection, “and I’m sorry for that as well. I haven’t been giving you anything that you need, and that ends now.”

“Now? Like,nownow? You want to do that in this bathroom?”

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