Page 53 of Tamed Wolf

I wipe my eyes as best I can, and I take a deep breath as I look between the three alpha wolves sitting around me. The alphas that all alphas should measure themselves against. “It felt wrong wanting you the way I did, because I could tell how much younger than me you were. I didn't want to come off as predatory, the way I had experienced. I know you were adults, so it was a completely different situation, but the whole time I was dancing for you guys, I was getting lost in the fantasy that you were mine. I was there dancing for you because I meant something to you. And you flirted right back.” I shake my head, because that night still feels like I was in some sort of a trance.

“Of course we flirted back,” Beckett tells me. “We were lost to you the second we caught your scent. And then you came walking into that room like a damn fantasy brought to life, all curves, and gorgeous smile, and sultry voice, the very definition of temptation.”

Brooks smiles at me and reaches forward to tuck my hair behind my ear. “I told myself there was no way you danced that well for other customers. I was so convinced of our connection that I was shocked when you just walked away at the end of the allotted time.”

I let out another small laugh, surprisingly. It's crazy to think that this all started because of a lap dance that my estranged son coordinated. Talk about needing therapy. “I definitely didn't dance like that for other people. With you, I was different. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say I wanted it to mean something. That session with you was the one rare bit of happiness I'd been granted in who knows how long, and I was determined to give my time with you my all so that I could think about it later when I was alone again.”

Brooks gently gets hold of my chin and tilts my face back towards him. “Lark, what's really holding you back? Is it that you don't see yourself being happy with us? Is it the age difference? Is it our lifestyle? I know you said it wasn't Rowan, but we want to know if it is. We're committed to seeing this through. This is the mating we all were meant to find from the very beginning. I hate that you had to go through everything you did to get to this point, but you have to understand that when I say we're going to take such good care of you, I mean it more than anybody has ever meant anything they've ever said.

“We want to learn everything about you. We want to provide a safe home for you, somewhere you feel free and comfortable, somewhere where you can pursue whatever you want to pursue. We want to feed you and make this a real home. Selfishly, we want to see you with Rowan. What you've been doing with your life up until this point is irrelevant, especially considering none of it was actually your choice. We could never hold your career against you. You are not worth so little. Feeling you give in to us during your heat was incredible. It was a snapshot of how great this pack could be if we give it the breathing room it needs to flourish.”

“What if I'm not ready for all of that?”

Beckett steals my attention next, shrugging. “Then we do whatever you’re comfortable with. You can move into the pack house until we find you something more permanent. You'd be safe as hell there. We could get you a job there if you wanted. Or you can just rest and heal.”

“Or,” Brooks suggests, pulling me onto his lap, “you give in to this crazy thing I know you feel, too, and decide to ignore all of the little voices in your head telling you it's not going to work. You do somethingyouwant to do for once, and you throw caution to the wind for all the right reasons. You allow yourself to truly get to know us and understand us and you come to realize how flawless we could be together. I know you're scared, Lark. We're scared too.”

“You are?” I ask dumbly.

He nods his head. “Of course we are. We have a lot at stake here, too. A lot of eyes are on us as heirs to the pack, and we want to do right by our son. It would be unwise not to be terrified of this, whatever it is currently. However, the idea of never seeing how this could all play out scares me more. That's how I know this is the right decision.”

That logic hits me square in the chest, it makes me see things clearer. He's right.

It's downright terrifying to just decide to give this a go on what feels like a whim; to try and build a relationship unlike anything I've ever built before. To put my trust in people I barely know but seem to trust, nevertheless.

But if I walk away and decide this is a bad idea or that the timing is off, I know that I'll be right back to hating myself and I’m terrified of learning what it's like to lose this tentative connection we've already built. That terror is far greater than the uncertainty I feel in putting my heart in their hands.

“Is it okay if I wake up some days and want to go slow, and other days I'm ready to race towards forever? Will it be okay still if I go back and forth 100 times before I stop doubting my own mind? Is it going to be okay when I come to you with concerns about the same thing for the 50th time and you have to explain to me, yet again, that you meant every word you told me? Are you going to grow to resent me when you realize how long it's going to take me to stop waiting for something bad to happen to us?”

“Lark, I want you to do something for us,” Beckett tells me. “I want you to tell us all the reasons why you want to try something with us. Give us the reasons why building a pack with us is the right thing for you. Not why you thinkwewant to, but whyyouwant to.”

I swallow nervously, feeling completely put on the spot as I search through my head and my heart to give them an answer that feels genuine. “I never felt as if Ivan and Trevor were the best choice for me, I only felt like they were my only option. I think, in this pack, with everything you're already offering me, it's not my only option. I want to be with you, because...”

I close my eyes, willing the courage to keep flowing through me. And I keep them closed until I'm done talking. “I want to be with you, because I like who I am when I'm with you. I like the version of myself that you bring out, and I like the thoughts my brain has when you're touching me. I like the way I felt when I first walked into your home, how quickly I felt comfortable here, and how perfect Rowan feels in my arms.

“I want to be with you, because you're giving me a choice. I want to be with you because Ichooseto do so. Because I don't like when the negative thoughts win, because I don't like the voice in my head that tells me to be quiet and stay out of people's way.”

I open my eyes finally, my conscience clearing. “I feel strong when I'm with you three. And maybe that's a crazy thing to say given how little time we've actually spent together when naked body parts weren’t involved, but I can already feel the bond that wants to grow between us, and it feels healthy. It feels like my every dream come true; I think, no Iknow,that I deserve to be happy just like everybody else.”

Brooks looks like he might cry and everybody's silent as my words echo in the quiet spaces between us, hanging over our heads like a threat that's quickly disappearing. Like the storm clouds are dispersing and there's incandescent sunshine on the way.

“This only works if we can all talk about what we need,” Beckett tells us all. “You can't be afraid to tell us what you need, Lark, because we want you to be able to speak for yourself. Don't assume that we know, even if we might. We want you to feel emboldened to tell us exactly what you want, exactly what you need. And maybe we're not going to provide a lavish lifestyle for you, but we'll make sure you have the things you need, no matter what it takes to do so.”

“Never in my life have I been granted that freedom.”

“Does that scare you?” Brooks asks me. Nobody tries to talk over me or guess what I'm going to say, they just sit there patiently, waiting for me to gather my thoughts and speak them aloud. Yet another first.

“The only thing scary about that is it means I'll be responsible for my happiness, for what my future holds. If nobody's holding me back, I won't have anybody to blame if things go south again.”

“We understand that you've tempered yourself to expect things to go badly,” Beckett says as he leans forward to brush a kiss on my shoulder. “And I think the only thing that will cure you of that is time with people who want nothing more than to see you flourish. I can't promise you we’ll never fight, but I can promise you we’ll never intentionally hurt you or be cruel to you, and I can promise you we'll wake up every day and choose to put in the effort we've so desperately been wanting to give somebody. Nobody's been worthy of that until now. Until you.”

With all the new freedom coursing through my veins, and the high of the last few days still embedded into every inch of my skin, the only thing I can think to ask for in this moment is just more of them. More of everything we've already been doing.

“You're biting your lip, baby. Is there something you thought of? Something you want? Your entire look just changed.”

My first tendency or impulse is to look away from them and lower my eyes as a show of submission, but I'm emboldened by the power they're putting in me. So instead, I keep my eyes on theirs as I answer Beckett’s question. “What I want more than anything right now, is to be with you with a clear head. I need something to hold on to that isn't flush with the haze of my heat. A memory that won't be tainted by the fog that's been over me since they began to drug me.”

Brooks' lips are on mine the second I finish speaking my command, not dominating me or trying to lead me a certain way but letting me know instead that he's fully on board with this plan. “I’d take you to bed, but we haven't gotten around to changing those sheets and I think they're pretty rank right now. Think we can make the couch work?” He asks between kisses.

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