Page 55 of Tamed Wolf

Chapter Twenty-Two

Lark, Now

My hands are trembling as we walk up the front steps of the Alpha House, my heart racing. After another shower I could tell the guys were itching to get their baby back, and since I'm feeling clingy as hell, here I am, accompanying them.

At least this time I'm in my own clothes, even if they're the shabby ones I have from the shelter. But even in these old rags, the guys still make me feel beautiful. They don't berate me for not looking nice or make fun of me for how worn out everything is, they just smiled at me when I came out of the bathroom and told me how comfortable and relaxed I looked.

Brooks opens the door for us all, keeping a hand on my back when he follows me through. I've never been here before, but it's warm and nearly as welcoming as the guys' cabin. It's got huge soaring ceilings and activity everywhere you look, people coming and going with smiles on their faces.

It feels like a sham that everybody could be so happy when there's members of their pack suffering in the shelter. I've never understood how nobody cares that we're there, that nobody has tried before now to make things better.

Oops, my bitterness is showing again.

I can feel eyes on us as the guys lead me expertly through the place, nodding at people that call out a greeting, but not stopping to talk to them.

It's a maze of hallways, and I didn't know what I was expecting, but the alpha's quarters aren't very lavish at all. They're just as simple and comfortable as the rest of the large lodge style building, modest even.

I can hear Rowan babbling before we get through the door, and my heart lurches in my chest. I'm scared to feel a connection to him because I've basically already lost one child. But knowing that Rowan is part of the incredible men that seem to want everything with me has me reaching for him the second the door is open.

The moment is heavy as their mother and Luna of the pack puts him into my arms, smiling at me with tears in her eyes. But I can’t look away from their pup.

I blindly sink into a rocking chair tucked into the corner, holding the adorable pile of chub in front of me. He reaches for my hair, wrapping his meaty fists around it and pulling his face towards my cheek with a slobbery open mouth. And I don't mind. In fact, I love it. He smells so good, like baby lotion and sweet things, and his eyes are locked on me.

“Hey there, Rowan,” I say quiet enough for just him to hear. I know these guys want to step forward and see him, that they must be missing him like crazy, but they all give me space to greet their son, to bond with him for a moment.

He babbles back at me, but when eyes track to where his dads are all standing, I turn into chopped liver. “Alright, alright, yes, yes, your daddies are here. Sorry,” I tell the guys. “I tend to get dumb around babies.”

I hand the baby over and step back as they greet their son, feeling a twinge of guilt that it was because of me they were parted from him.

Those age-old thoughts are racing behind my eyes, asking me what the hell I think I'm doing here, why I'm here when I'm not needed. But then their mother is next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into her. “You look so much better dear,” she tells me quietly. “I didn't see you very long when they brought you in, but you had everybody so worried.”

“It was rough, that's for sure.” Not sure what else to say about it, but she lingers as if there's something else she wants to talk about. Without turning my head away from the family reunion, I try to open up a line of conversation with her. “Your sons, they’re... incredible.”

She looks at me, rolling her lips in. “Thank you,” she finally says. And then after waiting a few more minutes while we watch her grown children interact with their own, she says, “You know, I didn't believe my husband when he told me you had formed a trauma mate bond with our sons, but I believe him now.”

I turn my head to her, feeling awkward and unprepared for a conversation like this with somebody so important to the pack, so I have to tell myself to think of her as the guys’ mom and nothing more so I don't come off even crazier than I am. “That's... an unexpected development,” I admit. “I don't want you to think I'm using them or anything.”

“You don't think you're good enough for them, do you?”

At that question, all eyes in the room rove to me and wait for my answer. “It's clear as day I'm not,” I say to my own embarrassment.

“I disagree, though you're not what I would have expected for them to fall for. You're beautiful, of course—

“Mom.” Blake interrupts her before she says anything she might regret, then strides across the room and tucks me under his arm, kissing the top of my head.

“This isn't up for debate,” he tells her. And then to me he says, “She's never really interacted with a rejected wolf before.”

Feeling defiant, I find the fire within me to stand up for myself. “We're not some different species, you know? I'm exactly the same as you. I was simply given mates that didn't give a shit about me from the beginning. Nothing I've been through is my fault.”

“Amen to that,” Beckett says, eyes still on his son but looking proud of me, nonetheless.

“It's just the stories we hear about that place...”

“You've never been there?” I ask her, unimpressed. “Why would you? You have everything you need right here. Comfortable lodging, supportive people... you know, sometimes we need to make ourselves uncomfortable when we're given the power to help other people.”

With that, I see myself out, shrugging away from Blake. I remember most of the turns we took to get back to the part of the lodge we’re in, but I decide to get lost instead. I'm sure one of the guys is following me, but I don't really feel like apologizing for the way I just spoke to their mother.

It's hard not to feel unwanted as well as rejected as I stand in this pack house meant for the entirety of the pack. I've never gotten to be invited here, never got to join in any events. First I was too young, then not included by my family, forbidden by my mates, and then unable to because my shelter address.

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