Page 40 of Eight Embers

“Your mother seems strange.”

Instead of getting offended, she laughs. “You have no idea. Anyway, I know we probably all seem like sex fiends to you, and I don't think the goddess thought about that or put any consideration into the fact that you're not into me. Is it because I'm a woman? And whatever the answer, I'm not offended. I just want to understand. I can't protect you with her if I don't know what I'm working with. I have this feeling that nothing good will happen if our mission fails. If we don't find a way to form some sort of bond together, I don't know what she'll do to you. So, give me something I can work with. How can I help you adjust to this? Do I have any hope of making you even a tiny bit happy?”

I might as well just tell her. “It's pretty common, and I would venture so far as to say normal even, that most unicorn shifters are somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I personally hover somewhere around demisexual. That's why the goddess is having such a hard time getting us to mate and bond together, because she's not respecting our needs.

“Even though she supposedly created us, she hasn't really taken the time to understand how our minds work. So no, it's not thatyou're a woman. If I was going to be attracted to anybody, it would be a woman. I like how soft they are. It’s just not a quick thing for me; I need a connection first.” My ears burn and flick back and forth a bit at that admission that I didn't mean to make, but she accepts it like she accepts everything else. It's infuriating how even keeled and kind she is.

“Thank you for telling me that. We are pretty opposite then, I guess. I feel like I haven't actually asked you this question point blank, so maybe it's time to. Do you have any interest in a relationship with me? A relationship that looks like whatever you want it to look like. If you want to just be friends, I need to know that, too. I just... I feel like I'm flying blind here.”

She holds out her arm and rubs her fingers over the mark the goddess gave her for me. “I guess I feel a responsibility to you since she matched us. I don't know if she knows something we don't, if we could be a good pair or not given enough time, but what doyouwant out of this?”

“That's not an easy question for me to answer. I guess...” I give her the respect of looking at her eyes, hit square in the chest by their light lavender color. I also decide to stop trying to protect myself or hide myself and shift back to my human form.

She smiles, and I know I made the right move.

“As you've probably figured out by now, I don't do well with change. I feel like I'm getting lost in this group of men you're with, and I don't know how to worm my way in there. I don't like having attention on me, and it's difficult to talk to you alone. I feel selfish even asking to talk to you alone. There’re so many people with things to tell you, ideas to share, mouths that want to kiss you...why would you give time to me when I don't really know how to talk to people and kissing kind of freaks me out?”

She shyly twines our fingers together, rubbing her thumb along the side of my hand. It's oddly nice.

“To be honest, I get kind of lost in all the noise as well. I'm more or less making this up as I go? I've pretty much known my whole life that this is what kind of lifestyle I'd be living eventually, but I guess I hoped that my mates would be fewer in number and come to me slower.

“I love the idea of a less-harried courtship, of getting to know each other while you decide if they’re somebody you could see yourself spending your life with. But sometimes... sometimes decisions are made for us, and we can only adapt to them the best we can.”

She pauses for a moment, weighing her words. “I know I come with a lot of baggage, Saladriel. If you've ever spent time dreaming about a partner you'd end up with, I can pretty much guarantee those dreams included somebody far simpler. And I mean that in a good way,” she quickly corrects. “That doesn't mean though, that we can't work together and to find a way through this. If you want out of this, then I'll figure that out, too. I don't know how yet, and it might take a bit of time before I can get to that point; but I would never want to keep you tied to me if you truly didn't want to be here. Based on your behavior since we met, I kind of get the feeling that's the case—”

Why do I want to kiss her so badly right now? Kissing just seems weird. And not at all enjoyable. So why are my lips tingling? I suppose the fact that my body's been getting aroused around her is answer enough. That pretty much never happens. “I haven't exactly given you a fair shot. I've been determined to be unhappy with you and your group. I'm sorry for that.”

“Please don't apologize.Thisis your home. Not where I am. I tried to get your goddess to undo the bond before we met, have Itold you that? That’s why you were in pain initially. I heard you screaming and I couldn’t handle the thought of someone hurting because of me, so I made your goddess stop.”

This surprises me, and I reel back. I kind of figured she'd be delighted to have another toy to add to her collection. Which is very unfair of me to think, but I've been so determined to not like her. “You didn’t want me as a mate?”

She flips my palm over, sparing a quick side glance and smile for the outfit I'm wearing. For some reason, we get to choose our clothing when we shift back to our human forms. I imagined myself in a cotton candy pink T-shirt and some worn grey corduroy pants, even though I’ve never worn corduroy in my life. Okay, maybe there’s a cute lioness embroidered on my chest as well, but that could be for a lot of reasons. This ability is a gift from our goddess, no doubt something she can dangle over our heads to show she’s benevolent.

“More like I’m struggling with the number of people I’m meant to be taking care of and forming bonds with. I started out with August and Jackson, and then that blew up, and then I thought I'd— you know what? You don't need to hear all this.”

“Tell me anyway?”

She flops back, and I immediately miss the warmth of her. She props her hands behind her head as she stares into the endless blue above us. “My mom always made it look so easy, being a partner to so many people. I’ve never stopped to think that maybe that's because my parents have had so long to figure it out. In my world, us conduits are like mini celebrities, adored by the masses and envied by more, for the gifts our goddess gave us. But sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to simply be with somebody because I want to, not because I have some deadlinehanging over my head reminding me I have to find my mates before my magic dries up.”

“Does that actually happen?” It appears I have more to learn about her world than I thought.

She nods, and my neck is starting to ache from looking behind me, so I carefully recline next to her on my side, propping my head up with a hand.

“Most conduits know exactly how many mates they'll have. When they present as a conduit, they get dots on their arm indicating how many soul mates they have.”

“But not you?” I guess.

“But not me,” she agrees. “I have some resentment for my goddess as well. But sometimes, I think if I'm having such a hard time balancing the people she's put in my life, I can't imagine how much harder it must be for her. I mean, she has an entire realm to look after and anytime anybody's unhappy, who do they blame?”

The next time I swallow, it sits too heavy in my stomach. “The goddess,” I whisper.

“Who knows; maybe she wanted to surprise me with how many mates I'd have so I could fully enjoy just being with them without worrying about how many more to find. In actuality, I'd probably find a way to be unhappy or frustrated no matter what the circumstances were. If I'd known from the start that I'd have this many mates, I probably would have fought even harder than I already am.”

The rest of her group that has come with us are suspiciously quiet, but she seems unconcerned with that. I have her full attention right now, and it's nice. They're adults, I figure theycan look after themselves for a little bit. “Why are you fighting it?”

“It's just all moving so fast, you know?”

I get the sudden urge to run my fingers through her hair, and I realize this is the peace I've been looking to find with her. So I try it, and if possible, she gets even stiller. Maybe she's been taking notes from that gargoyle mate of hers.

---