Page 41 of Eight Embers

Even messy from running after the demon for quite a while, and after several rounds already today with her mates, her hair is so, so,sosoft. It's such a light color that it's basically white, with an almost metallic hue to it. As the sun's light hits it, it has opalescent rainbows if you look close enough. “I'm obsessed with your hair.” And then I realize what I said, and I draw my hand back quickly.

She lets out a soft laugh and blinks her eyes open to look at me. “You can touch my hair, Saladriel. I'm hardly going to take it as a come on.”

I indulge myself again, working out some of her tangles and smoothing it out for her. “You're not what I expected. I had this idea in my head that you’d be bossy or pushy or... I don't know. Not this.”

“That's a good thing, I suppose?”

I shrug again because I don't know what else to do. “You're just so different than anybody I've ever met.” I stare at her, inundated with other urges. Am I brave enough to voice them aloud though? Not like I have anything to lose. “Do you think... I could maybe hold you?”

“Technically I'm yours. You can ask for whatever you need. That's kind of the point.”

The simplicity of that statement is shocking somehow. “Is it really that easy? Have I been overthinking this?”

Her eyes crinkle a little bit at the corners which is adorable, and she scoots over, carefully peeling my arm away from my head so she can lay on my bicep. Then she grabs my other arm that's on my hip and pulls it over her lower back, and she finds a spot to rest her head right near my collarbone, that just feels... nice.

“We all process things in different ways.”

It's really quiet as we lay there together for a few moments, but I'm more at peace than I have been in a long time. With my past situationship, we could hang out and not talk for a bit, but it never felt like this. I've never given much thought into having a partner, but maybe I'm starting to see the merits of it.

A few things she's been saying suddenly work their way together in my mind like a puzzle and I feel embarrassment tingeing my skin scarlet. “You know I find you attractive, don't you? That's what you were getting at? That bodysmiths can sense lust, but you're different and you can sense when it's more than just lust, right?”

She does me the service of keeping her head where it is, so I don't have to look in her eyes while I feel so embarrassed. “That's nobody's business but your own, Saladriel. Whatever you identify as, it's nobody's business who or what you're attracted to. And I'm not so vain as to think the fact you seem to be able to feel lust around me means you have feelings for me. For all I know it's just some weird anomaly because of what I am. Every single pore of me is meant to be alluring. My species are like sex toys for the rich, usually. I never take it personally.”

“Would you hate it very much if I asked you not to write off our bond quite yet?” My voice is soft, timid even, but I know she hears me. I know she knows exactly what I'm saying.

Now she does sit up a bit to meet my eyes, pushing me more on my back so she can lean on my chest as she looks at me. Once again, I like it. It shocks me, but I'm gonna go with it. “In case you misunderstood what I was trying to tell you,” she starts, “I wish I had more control over how overwhelming it can feel to have this many mates that I have to bond with and make happy. One thing I have no problem telling you, is that I don't resent my mates at all. Each one of them brings something different into my life, and I trust that the goddess led me to people that she knows will balance me out.

“Maybe your goddess builds bonds a different way, and I know you said all this stuff about how easy it would be to dissolve the ones I still have on my arm from your goddess, but I'm just going to take this one step at a time. If you want more time to explore this, then that makes my heart really happy.”

“It does?”

“Of course it does. None of my resentment has anything to do with you guys. It's merely that I feel like I don't have enough time in my day to make these connections as deep as I want them to be. But I guess we have the rest of our lives to work on that. Maybe... maybe the ‘no rush’ part comes after I have an official bond with everybody. Sort of like, I don't know, an arranged marriage or something? Get the commitment up front, and then you take your time deciding what that commitment looks like. You take your time integrating your lives together and finding out how to make each other happy. Maybe I've been thinking about this all wrong.”

“That makes sense. I can see how that could be a good way to look at it.” This is the most honest we've ever been with each other, the most open I've ever allowed myself to be with her.

Maybe I just needed to do it on my own turf. Being home helps me feel more grounded, which is ironic since we don't even have ground here. But it soothes something in my soul having this conversation with her here, where I know everything about the realm there is to know. Now she's on uneven footing as she figures out how things work here, surrounded by strangers.

“I suppose we should start looking for your guys then, huh?”

Her eyes flick down to my mouth, and I instinctually know she wants to kiss me. She's never given me such blatant signals before, and I thought that it would freak me out, but I'm realizing that somewhere along the way I started to develop a little crush for her.

Even if I've been in the back of the crowd, I've started to get to know her. I've watched her interact with everybody, watched how her eyes light up when one of her mates says something sweet to her or kisses her unexpectedly. More than all that though, I've seen how hard she fucking tries to be a good partner to each and every one of them; tries to find the unique things they need from her and provide them, and my heart is starting to get involved with her. Because how could it not?

Therein lies the real reason my body's reacting to her. It's inconvenient maybe, I'm nowhere near ready to act on it, but I know who she is, and I can't deny that I'm curious about how things could be with her if I let them. That's new.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I lean down and press the barest of kisses to her mouth.

She doesn't maul me like I always imagined happening for some reason, she sits still and lets me experiment. This makes it even easier to respect her and only reinforces this crush.

Is it possible that the goddess knows what she's doing after all? Did she actually bring me somebody I could see myself beingwith? Maybe it's too early to know, it's only been a couple of weeks after all, but when I pull away and hug her a little bit tighter to my chest, I realize everything has changed.

Apparently, I like kissing if it means kissingher.

Chapter Fifteen

August

This is bullshit. Total, absolute bullshit.

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