Page 7 of Eight Embers

“Uh, should I…bow?” I drop into a really weird half curtsy/bow monstrosity, and then I straighten out immediately when a very clear memory hits me. “Wait. Are theseyourfault?” I gesture to the ridiculous marks trailing up and down each arm.

“Did you even look at them properly? Notice anything strange about them?”

“What’s different about them,” I continue to rant, “is that they’re there. Do you see how many circles are on my two arms, and howmany holes are currently in my body? And no, don’t you dare suggest we can make some new ones. I’m not that kinky.”

Booming laughter sounds from beyond the room, and I spin quickly to see if I can find it, but there’s nothing. The goddess gestures to the windows that look out over the city. “Sweet child. We are being broadcast throughout the realm. I believe you are charming quite a few of my children.”

“Wow, so they definitely heard me insinuate you have a great rack, then?”

More laughter.

I face the window, which apparently is actually a camera, and wave very awkwardly. “Uh, hi.”

“So, Delaney, we were just talking about your quest to come here and save the race, how exciting! You must be simply thrilled to see all the fine specimens accumulating for you.”

I spin towards her, mouth unattractively agape. “Nooo, we were not talking about that, thank you very much. I’ll have you know I already have a bevy of excellent men waiting for me back home. So, if that’s all you needed, I’ll just…” I hitch my thumb over my shoulder to indicate that I’m ready to go home.

“Fine, fine, fine,” she says. “You’re lucky I’m not one of those goddesses with fragile egos. You didn’t even ask me my name,” she says with a pout.

“Uh, you’rethegoddess.”

“That’s my sister. As you saw, I am the Fairygoddess Unicorn. It’s very different.”

“Right. Umm, I actually need to call you Fairygoddess Unicorn? Okay. Fairygoddess Unicorn, it’s nice to meet you. Why am I here?”

“As I understand, your mother had some sort of ‘chosen one’ deal with my sister in your world, correct? Some dramatic thing she had to go through to collect her mates and save the world, yadda, yadda, yadda. Something not a lot of people know, is that there are realms all over the place, with different gods and goddesses in charge of each one. Do tell your mother thank you for me when you get home, will you? It wasn’t easy I know, but the fact that she was able to get my sister safely away from your poisonous realm and into a safer one means the world to me. I mean, I only have about 587.2 sisters, and each one is so very precious to me.”

“Point two? How do you have one-fifth of a sister?”

“That’s a very rude question.”

I throw my hands up. “My bad. Ignore me. Continue, please.”

Her rainbow eyelashes flutter before she decides that maybe I’m actually earnest. “Being immortal and living forever gets a bit boring. To keep things somewhat interesting, my siblings and I all take turns choosing a champion to solve all of our problems. There aren’t a lot of rules, but the steadfast one is that the champion chosen must be in some way connected to the previous one chosen by her siblings. As a show of gratitude for your mother saving my sister, I decided to give you the fantastical honor of beingmychosen one.” She turns over her shoulder and yells, “Hit it, boys!”

A tiny marching band full of…crabs? comes barreling through the room, playing actual instruments that are twisted into all sorts of wild shapes. They march across the oddly patterned stone flooring while confetti rains from the ceiling.

“The confetti’s edible,” she whispers. “Just don’t eat too much; it’ll fuck you up.”

I close my mouth very quickly.

She raises her hands like she’s about to direct a musical ensemble, and then a magical choir of chubby, winged creatures drop from the ceiling, singing in perfect harmony about how incredible it is that I’ve been given this chance.

It's very overwhelming, to say the least.

Eventually, the little marching band of crustaceans does exit the room, and then a sentient vacuum zooms by, making lewd gestures while collecting all the psychedelic confetti and then it’s quiet again.

The winged creatures are still there, but they’re silent at least as they watch our interaction.

“These marks on your arm,” Fairygoddess explains, “are my claim on you.”

“That’s…fine. Yep, totally fine.” Shit shit shit shit shit. Maybe I should have listened to my mom better when she warned me of the dangers of tempting goddesses to assign more mates.

“Aren’t you going to ask why they’re on your arm?”

“Yep, totally my next question. Also…is it too late to ask for some of that confetti you swept up? The stuff you said would fuck me up?”

She laughs in an over-the-top obnoxious way, but it totally works for her somehow. “You are delightful. I need you to take some of my people as mates.”

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