Page 60 of Not Made to Last

“That easy, huh?” It’s clear by how she’s looking at me that we both know I’m full of shit.

I nod anyway. It wasn’tthateasy, but Olivia doesn’t need to know that. I did reach out to the author, who sent me a generic email back telling me to contact his publisher. After an hour of research, I discovered that Jeffrey Grayson, the author of theMiles and his MiraclesTrilogy, was a board member of a charity my mom heavily supports. And when I say heavily, I mean that in the obvious way: through monetary donations. So, I calledher, asked if she could pull some strings, and, as always, she came through for me. A somewhat large donation from my bank account later, and here we are.

Olivia’s been silently watching me for a few seconds now, and I force myself to look away. Lying comes second nature to me, but it feels wrong doing it with Liv.

“I’d organized it before the whole never-seeing-each-other-again thing… and you can say it’s from you,” I tell her, my voice weak from being under her scrutiny. “Say that you won it or something. Get the credit.” I force a smile.

Olivia keeps staring, and I can’t seem to look away. “Max is going to love it. Thank you so much,” she says finally. She reaches up, arm going around my neck to pull me close, right before her lips meet my cheek.

Her hair’s down today, like it is when she’s at school, and the smell of it overwhelms my senses. So does the way her body feels pressed against mine. The way her touch fills all the shallow, hollow parts of me, and,fuck, I’ve missed her.

And as selfish as it is, I’ve missed the way she makes me feel. Like I’m invincible.

Unbreakable.

It suddenly dawns on me that I don’t just want her. Ineedher. Not just in the physical sense, like my brain’s wired to think, but in every way possible. Don’t get me wrong; I like what we have going on. This back and forth, and push and pull. But, right now, I want to jump into an ocean of her. Surround myself with nothing but infinite moments of her.

All day.

All night.

Time stands still as I watch her eyes light up, watch her lips form a smile as she watches me back.

I could live in this ocean.

Drown in it.

I stand quickly, suddenly unable to sit still. I pace. Three steps one way. Three steps back.

Liv stands, too, but she stays in one spot, watching me. “What just happened?”

I rub the back of my neck, frustrated. “I thought I was okay,” I murmur. “I mean, I’m not over you yet, but I assumed one day I might be, but I don’t know if I will be. If I evencanbe. Because I fuckingwantyou, Liv—so bad—but I’m also pissed.”

“Pissed?”

I face her. “Yes!”

“At me?”

“Yes!”

She rears back, eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Because you never said goodbye to me, and you never gave me the chance to do the same.”

Eyes right on mine now, she shakes her head, as if she can’t believe the words coming out of me. “You knew the terms,” she almost shouts. “And I said goodnight to you!”

“You saidgoodnight, Liv! Notgoodbye!”

Her entire demeanor shifts at my words. At my tone. Shoulders dropped, she closes in on herself, and I hate that I caused it. “Liv…”

“I’veneversaid goodbye to you, Rhys,” she murmurs, arms around her waist as she talks to the ground beneath us.

I step toward her, expecting her to pull back. She doesn’t.

“It’s alwaysgoodnightwith you,” she says. “Never goodbye.”

I stop breathing. Start thinking. I go back to all the times we’ve parted ways, scrutinize every word she’s ever said. She’s right. Alwaysgoodnightorsee you later. Never goodbye. “Why is that?”

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