Page 97 of Not Made to Last

“My dad hasn’t been able to look me in the eye since,” I admit, the words flowing out of me easier than I’d thought. “I put shame on our family, so I get it.” It didn’t help that I refused his assistance once I was arrested. Sure, his money could’ve saved me. Could’ve made the whole thing disappear, just like with that kid who killed her grandparents. But I’d be the absolute worst kind of hypocrite if I allowed that to happen. The reason I was arrested in the first place was because I was trying to prove a point—that there has to be a punishment to fit the crime. I wanted my victim’s punishment to be death; therefore, mine was juvie. I stand, wait for Liv to do the same. “It sucks, though,” I tell her, opening the passenger door. “This building contains the first office he ever rented, and I thought by buying the place it would somehow bring us closer.”

“Has it?” she asks.

“He’s never even seen it since.”

52

Olivia

Rhys keeps Max’s gift on his lap the entire drive to my house, one hand on it at all times. He doesn’t speak, and I have nothing left to say. Well, that’s a lie. There’s a lot I wish I could say, but doing so would achieve nothing. Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Rhys pulls up in front of my house, but doesn’t kill the engine, doesn’t even put the car in gear. Message heard, loud and clear.

I hop out without another word and don’t turn around, even when he takes off. I don’t go into the house though. Instead, I take the alley beside it, bypass the gate that leads to the side yard, until I get to the playground.

The sun’s only just beginning to set, but it’s late enough that no one else is here. It’s a small playground—just a set of swings and a rocket structure with a couple of slides. We used to take Max here a lot, but according to him, “There’s only so many times you can do the same thing before it gets boring.”

I sit on a swing, my legs crossed at the ankles, and push off the ground. I don’t reallyswing; I just… sway. And I cry. Because apparently crying here is something you can do many times, for many reasons, and it never gets boring.

I barely move as I watch the sky turn from orange to red, then red to purple, and I get lost in my thoughts, in my anguish, to the point I can no longer pinpoint the reason for my tears. They’re just there—existing in a world under a multicolored sky. I’m so lost in my heartache that I don’t notice the black SUV pull up to the curb until Rhys steps out, makes his way over to me.

He waits until he’s only feet in front of me to say, “You don’t want to go home, huh?”

I stare at his Nike-covered feet and shake my head. The last thing I want is him,here. But at the same time… it only makes sense that he is.

“You want me to take you somewhere else?”

I laugh through my cries. “I don’thaveanywhere else.” Then I push off the ground, wishing it would swallow me whole. “What are you doing, Rhys?”

“I was on my way home from Oscar’s. Saw you here…”

“And thought you needed to get out, and what?”

“I don’t know,” he says with a sigh. The entire swing set groans under his weight when he sits beside me. “Are you afraid to go home? Is Dom?—”

“I’m notafraidto go home,” I cut in. “I’mashamedto.”

“Why?”

I shake my head, keep my eyes downcast so he can’t witness the new onset of tears. “After the accident… Max developed a fear of being in the car, which is completely understandable. And we didn’t realize it at first—that that’s what the problem was—but every time we’d leave to go somewhere, he’d complain of a stomachache…”

It doesn’t take long for Rhys to understand. “Like he did tonight.”

I nod. “It’s the way his body reacts to fear…” I exhale a shaky breath. “Once we’d figured it out, we slowly built his courage back up. He’s half the reason we do food deliveries together. He keeps all the tips… that’s what I’m supposed to do, you know? I’m supposed to be the one who protects him… who fights his fears for him. I’m not supposed to cause them.”

“I’m sorry,” he’s quick to say, and I don’t know what he’s sorry for. I don’t think he does either. “And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… as a little brother who’s made a hell of a lot of mistakes, Dominic’s not such a bad guy. Until last night, you and Max thought the world of him.” He’s quiet a beat, then adds, “This is completely unsolicited advice to do with what you will, but I don’t know, Cheeks… I don’t think it’s fair to judge him based on one bad decision.”

I wipe the remnants of my tears with the back of my hand and sniff back my emotions. Then I repeat his words, throw them right back at him. “This is completely unsolicited advice to do with what you will, but your dad’s not dead, Rhys.” I stand and turn to him but keep my head down. “You still have time to make it right. If youwantto.” I make it one step toward my house before I force myself to stop, face him for the first time since he got here. Then I tell him something I’ve been holding on to since his mom revealed the truth about our past. “I get why you’re mad at me, and I get why you want to hate me. I don’t even know how I would react if I were in your shoes. I betrayed you in ways I can’t even comprehend… but, Rhys…” I choke on a sob, but don’t let it escape. “You lost someone you just met. I’ve lost mybest friend. You’ve known me for weeks…I’velovedyou for years.”

53

Olivia

When I get home, Dominic’s sitting at the bottom of the stairs just by the front door, and it’s clear by the look on his face that he’s been stewing on his feelings as much as I have.

He waits until I’ve closed the door behind me and slipped off my shoes before speaking. “You’ve never, not once, ever made me feel like a burden… until lately.”

I suck in air through my nose, release it slowly, slowly. And then I sit on the step beside him and lean into him. Physically. Metaphorically. In every way possible. I take out my phone, open the voice recording app, and release the words that lighten the load on my too-heavy heart.

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