Page 20 of A More Than Mayhem Christmas

“Have you seen it yet?” Lachlan, the youngest Preston, had asked.

“Seen what?” Jake answered.

“The mural? None of us have seen it.”

It was only then that we all remembered Cam’s secret project. We rushed to Katie’s room, and I can’t even recall who got there first to open the door, but as soon as we saw it, we all gasped. It was, by far, the most brilliant painting Cameron had ever created. In fact, it’s the most beautiful piece of art I’ve ever laid eyes on.

And as I stare at it now, leaning against the opposite wall, I imagine Cameron standing here, in an empty room, with a blank canvas, his mind and creativity at work. I picture every delicate brushstroke that makes up all the leaves of the trees in the enchanted forest. I wonder how he selected all the different pastel pinks and purples used for the sky and if he drew the deer from memory or had to work off an image. And I wonder if Lucy told him exactly which physical pages from her favorite fairy tales to incorporate into the masterpiece.

I wonder if he felt as afraid as Lucy did.

As afraid as I have felt.

The bedroom door opens, bringing more light into the lamp-lit room. Lucy steps in, closing the door behind her. She tilts her head, eyes soft as they scrutinize mine. “Hey…” Her smile is weak, questioning. “What are you doing in here?”

“Sorry,” I say—an automatic response. “I used the bathroom and walked past, and I… I was just admiring her room, I guess.”

“Yeah, we’re definitely going to miss it.”

I nod, pushing off the wall and taking the few steps across the room. I lean in close, gaze focused, finger brushing along the raised paint on a single flower.

“We’re taking this entire wall with us,” she tells me. “Studs and all, so it doesn’t get damaged. I love it too much to let it go.”She pauses a beat, then adds, “My brothers are making a frame for it, and we’ll put it up in her new room. It’s almost three times the size, so…”

I nod again, taking in her words but not knowing how to respond.

The crib is gone now, Katie having outgrown it, and it’s replaced with a low-lying house-framed bed that Lucy’s brothers also built. There’s fake ivy wrapped around the posts and sheer white curtains draped over the top, creating a roof. The entire space is just… beautiful. I rub the fabric between my fingers, saying, “She’s really lucky to have you as parents, Luce.”

“I hope so,” she replies, her voice just above a whisper. Seconds pass, neither of us speaking. The longer we stay that way, the harder it is to fight back my emotions. Suddenly, Lucy’s hand lands on my shoulder, and as gently as possible, she forces me to face her.

She’s nothing but a blur through my tear-filled eyes and, somehow, without me saying a word, I can tell sheknows.

“I’m so sorry, Riley,” she says, bringing me in for an embrace. I swallow down the sob that’s begging to escape. She doesn’t speak as she sits on the bed, her back against the wall, patting the spot beside her. I do as she asks and let her take my hand, link our fingers together.

When she’s this close, I can smell the alcohol on her breath and emitting from her pores. Or maybe I justwantto.

Need pulses through my veins, just once. Just enough to tease, to let me know it’s there.

For a long moment, Luce and I simply stare at the work of art in front of us.

She’s the first to break the silence. “I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it to you, or if Dylan’s ever told you, but Katie wasn’t our first pregnancy.”

I turn to her. “She’s not?”

Lucy shakes her head, her eyes downcast. “We were in college… on a stupidbreak, when I found out.” She hiccups—soft and high-pitched. “The worst part is that I lost her before I even knew she was there. There were a lot of medical complications, before and after, and… Katie, she was never meant to be here. The doctors told me so themselves.” She swallows her emotions while I release mine in the form of tears. “I’m not telling you this as some sort of advice for you to keep trying or not lose hope. Cameron and I—we had come to terms with the idea that we’d never have children, so Katie really is a miracle baby. But not everyone is as lucky as us. And that’s all it was with us.Luck. And everyone’s journey, everyone’sloss, is different, and you cope with it however you need to. I’m just telling you because I want you to know that if you needanything, atanytime, you call me and I’m there.”

I sniff back my heartache and roll my head against the wall, settle my head on her shoulder—a simple sign to show my appreciation. “What didyoudo?” I ask. “I mean, how didyouhandle it?”

It takes a moment for her to answer. “The first thing I did was push away the people closest to me, including Cameron.”

I sigh, picking at a worn spot on my jeans just for something else to focus on. “That reaction must be human nature, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Lucy murmurs. “Why? What was the first thing you did?”

“The first time?—”

“Shit, Riley,” she interrupts. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I assure, squeezing her hand. “The first time was a surprise. Initially, we were more afraid than elated, but the more we grasped onto the idea, the more excited we became. It was only a week after the positive test that we… It wasdevastating.” It’s the first time I’ve told the story out loud and not just let the emotions of the experience infiltrate my mind.It’s a lot easier than I thought it would be, and maybe that’s because Lucy’s the one comforting me, or maybe it’s because she’s not as close to the situation as Dylan is. Or as my mom will be. “The second time, we actuallytriedto get pregnant, and… and that one didn’t last long either. It only happened a few weeks ago?—”

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