Page 6 of A More Than Mayhem Christmas

“Now?” Tanner asks.

“Now, buddy.”

Tanner gets out from under the table, slapping the whipped cream plates on his dad’s face before sitting square on his chest.

“Dammit, Dylan!” Eric yells while Sydney hands their son a hose.

“Here, baby,” she says. “Clean Daddy up.”

“Okay!” Tanner exclaims, aiming the hose right at Eric’s face, then squeezing the trigger.

I stand, just so I have a better view of Eric shifting his cream-covered face from side to side, sputtering water from his mouth while he attempts to grab the hose from his son. Tanner stops with the water, replaces it with the open bag of flour his mom gives him, then the eggs, then the glitter, because why not?

It’s not the most creative act of mayhem, but the kid’s four, and we all have to start somewhere, right? Besides, the dog shit I hid throughout Eric’s truck is the real mayhem.

“Dammit, Dylan!” Eric yells again, removing a cackling Tanner from his chest. Eric wipes his eyes first, then his mouth.

“You look like Edward fromTwilight,” Sydney giggles.

“If Edward was an unbaked cake,” Dad chuckles.

“You wait, D!” Eric threatens, getting to his feet.

I cross my arms, reply, “I’m ready.”

“And stop being such a bad influence on my son!” He’s trying to sound indignant, but I can hear the slight humor in his tone.

I shake my head. “No can do, big brother. He’s a?—”

“Don’t you dare say it!”

I deepen my voice, make it raspy. “Devil baby!”

Tanner matches my tone. “I’m a devil baby, Daddy.”

Eric shakes his head, starts toward his house again. “I’m getting in the shower, and I don’t know if I’m coming back!”

“Aww,” Dad calls after him. “Who’s the baby now?”

With a giggle, Sydney stands. “I should probably go check on him.”

“Did I do good?” Tanner asks, the biggest, goofiest smile lighting up his face as he glances around the table for approval.

“You did great, Tanner,” I answer, reaching across to high-five him.

He makes his way around the table, parks himself right on my wife’s lap. “Was that funny, Aunt Riley?” he asks her.

“So funny,” she says, palming his cheek. He leans into her touch, clearly smitten by her. It’s no surprise, really. He’s a Banks, and all the Banks men love Riley. “But your dad’s right,” Riley says now. “Your uncle is a bad influence, and you don’t always have to listen to him.”

I scoff.

Then Bill asks, “How do you even come up with this stuff?”

I shrug. “Years of experience.”

Bill is Riley’s mom’s boyfriend. They met a couple of years after Riley and I got married (when things didn’t work out withLogan’s dad), and he moved in with her a couple of years later. When he first appeared on the scene, Riley was excited. I was… suspicious. And maybe a little too overprotective. Besides, Holly isn’t just Riley’s mom; she’s mine, too. And fuck if I was going to let some random guy hurt her, or worse, break her damn heart.

So, a few months into their dating, I asked Bill to come on a hunting trip with me and my dad. I figured I’d play nice, then leave his ass in the middle of the woods, never to be seen again.

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