Page 108 of Liam

“Addie,” he says again, and I love the way he says my name a little less. He sits up with me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m really sorry about your parents.”

“I’m not,” I tell him, anger laced beneath my words. I’m not mad at him for bringing it up. I’m mad at myself for not predicting it. Of course he knows. I’m sure Roman would’ve told Logan, and if he didn’t hear it from Logan, then it would’ve been Leo.

Leo was the one who was waiting outside the apartment. Leo was the one to remove his stupid cop hat and wait for Roman and me to be seated so he could give us the “bad news.”

They’d found my parents.

Those were his exact words, and I laughed when he told me. I was still in such an emotional black hole from smashing theshit out of Wyatt’s truck that the first thing that left my mouth—besides my insane laughter—was, “Cool, it only took you ten years. Congrats, I guess?”

That’s when Leo’s partner stepped in, did something Leo couldn’t—gave it to us straight. “Your parents were found dead in a motel room in Pheonix, Arizona. Cause of death for both appears to be a drug overdose.”

“Addie,” Liam says now, dragging me back to reality. He shifts closer, circling his arm around my shoulders and holding me close. He thinks he’s comforting me, but it’s not what I need.

What I need is for him to understand what I say next, because if he doesn’t—if hecan’t—I know how I’m going to come across, and he’s either going to accept it or reject me completely… “Iwantto feel something, but… I just can’t.”

Roman thinks I’m holding it in. That I should talk to him about it. But there’s nothing to talk about. Besides, he wasn’t there during the worst of it. It was almost as if him leaving gave my parents an excuse to no longer hide their actions.

Roman doesn’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night and be in a room with strangers. Or walk home from school dreading what would greet me when I opened the door. He doesn’t know what it was like sitting at the tiny kitchen table staring down at the two people who were supposed to be my parents. People who were laid out on the floor, completely unmoving. People who were supposed to care for me and guide me andloveme enough to be betterforme. He didn’t know the fear that formed in my chest when I kicked them and they didn’t move. Or the fucking ache in my belly when days passed without being fed.

There were times I wanted to knock on the neighbors’ doors and beg for food, but fear of the consequences stopped me. There’s nothing I feel for them… besides maybe hatred.

I heave out a sigh, rest my chin on my knee. I can’t look at Liam when I speak, and so I stare ahead, try to make sense of the thoughts that have run circles in my mind lately. “I hadn’t seen or heard from either of them in over a decade. They were strangers to me, Liam, and I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Iwantto care, but I don’t. But you know what Idocare about?”

“What?” he asks, his arm around me tightening, holding me closer.

“I care about the people I killed in that car accident.”

“Christ, Addie. You didn’tkillthem,” he says, and I don’t have a response.

Maybe I did.

Maybe I didn’t.

Regardless, they’re still dead.

And ever since I forced myself to dig up memories of it, these random fragments of my past have popped into my mind, then disappeared just as fast. I don’t even know if they’re real or parts of my imagination, but I’ve been trying to sort through the pieces, trying to connect them all. None of it makes sense. There’s a dark room and flash of light and—“It’s okay, Addie.”I don’t recognize the voice in my head, but it’s haunted me in my dreams. The night I found out my parents died, I woke up in a pool of sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep. I haven’t slept properly since. I’ve just kept looking through my journals, hoping for a single clue amongst the pages.

I never found one.

“They were parents, too,” I murmur, my body still, but my mind restless. “The couple in the other car. They were parents, grandparents, and foster parents. They could’ve been Dayna and Griffin—or anyone else with huge, welcoming hearts. They sure as fuck weren’t anything likemyparents. But now they’re gone.” I’m numb. Every part of me. And I’m rambling—verbalizingevery useless thought that’s popped into my head—but I can’t seem to stop. “They lived a couple of towns away. They just moved there to start a new life. That’s gone, too. And you want to know the worst part?” I ask, finally looking at the boy holding me steady, keeping me going.

Liam cups my face, thumb swiping the liquid pain from my cheek—pain I hadn’t known was there.

“The worst part is their kids are still there, a couple of towns away. Want to know how I know?” I let him in on a secret I’ve never told a soul. “Because I stalk them from afar. Just their socials. I stalk them because I need to know they’re okay. That they’re surviving without their parents. Mine just died, and I couldn’t give less fucks, but that’s because they were trash fucking humans.Theirparents, though—they were the opposite.” A sob forces its way out of me, and my tears flow with it, and Liam stays silent, his eyes on mine, and he listens to my words, even when I’m senseless. “They seem to be doing fine, just so you know. Better than fine. Olivia, she’s the oldest. The biological granddaughter. She works at a psych office now. And then there’s Dominic. He’s adopted. A senior at St. Luke’s Academy. A baller. A future NBA star, if my stalking is correct. And then there’s Max. He was the one in the car that night. I don’t know too much about him because he’s young and his siblings don’t post him, which is fair, but I hope he’s okay, because?—”

“Addie,” Liam says, and I stop immediately, my gaze dropping.

“I’m not crazy,” I whisper, the sudden ache in my throat making it hard to speak. “I told you. I just want to make sure they’re okay, and that I didn’t ruin their lives. I mean, obviously, I ruined their lives, but?—”

“Addie,” Liam says again.

I wipe at the endless tears that won’t seem to quit and look up at him.

Fear.

It’s written all over his face, and worse? It’s embedded in his eyes—in the ocean of kindness.

He only holds me firmer when I start to pull away. “Addie, stop.”

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