Page 115 of Liam

“What you saw today.” Roman inhales a huge breath and sits straighter. “Addie has a habit of dealing with her feelings by flatlining.” He holds his hand out in a straight line. “And then something will cause her to crawl out of that darkness…” He tilts his hand, fingers pointed to the ceiling. “She’ll climb to the peak, and then…” He drops his hand completely. “And then she’ll jump. And she’ll fall, and fall, and fall.”

I think about the four days I was away with Lincoln. Was she shut down that whole time? Flatline? Did bringing her to thejunkyard make things worse? “I’ve spent the past two days with her and she seemed fine,” I mumble.

“Yeah… she was climbing to the peak,” Roman explains.

I lower my stare, my eyes as scattered as the thoughts invading my mind. “So what I witnessed today—that was her falling?”

“No. That was her hitting the ground.” He pauses a beat, a restless breath leaving him. “I don’t know how much Addie’s told you about her life and her past, but… she had it real rough when she was younger, right after I moved out. When I moved back in, I tried to ask her about it—what all happened while I was gone, and she would just…”

“Shut down?” I finish for him.

He nods. “If she did talk, it would be to tell me she didn’t remember. And I don’t know why or when I accepted that answer as truth, but… I did. And I shouldn’t have. Because I think she got so used to saying it that at some point, she started believing it herself. And maybe that was for the best, but I don’t know. I think the memories were always there, but she just—she pushed them so far into the recesses of her mind, that she could ignore it.”

“Until she couldn’t anymore,” I murmur, my gaze dropping, my mind reeling, trying to make sense of it all. I understand what Roman’s saying—I think—but the unease in my gut still hasn’t lifted. I first felt it when Logan stood beside me in that building… when I realized he knew something I didn’t. I lift my chin, look from Roman to Logan and back again. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

44

Liam

I was five the first time I laid eyes on Adelaide Baker.

Eight by the time I found the courage to actually speak to her.

By ten, she’d ruined my entire existence.

And at twelve, I accepted the hatred I felt for her.

At fourteen, I delivered that hatred in anger.

Now, at nineteen, I’ve come to one agonizing conclusion.

Hatred…

Hatred comes in waves.

But love?

Love is a tsunami.

45

Liam

The first thing I wanted to do when Logan pulled up to the house was go up to my bedroom, enter the darkness of the closet, and block out the world.

Block out reality.

Instead, I hopped on a dirt bike and rode the uneven tracks until the tears I’d held on to prevented me from seeing straight. I get off, dropping the bike to its side and remove the helmet, attempt to fill my lungs with oxygen. I’m surrounded by trees, tall and vast, and nothing else.

I could scream.

I want to.

But what would be the point?

I rest against the nearest trunk, my stomach turning. Bile rises to my throat, and I swallow it down, down, down, and then I look up, and I don’t know why I do. To speak to my dead mother? To pray to a higher power?

Sunlight filters through the branches, beams down to the ground, and I sit on the dirt, my back against the tree, and I force myself to breathe.

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