Page 18 of Liam

Eyes red, raw from holding back his emotions, my brother shakes his head, but he doesn’t give me the answers I need.

“Why didn’t you call me when you got out?”

“I—”

“I had to find out from Wyatt!” So much pent-up hurt, years and years of it, and now we’re here, and I can’t hold it in anymore. “He called to ask me why I didn’t tell him you were out, and I didn’t even know!”

Roman covers his face, rubs at his eyes. “Jesus, Addie,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know?—”

“You didn’t knowwhat?” I cut in. “You didn’t know how much it would hurt to feel as if you stopped caring about me? Orstopped thinking about me? Or…” I break down, my shoulders shaking with the force, and I cry. God, do I cry. “Or that you stoppedlovingme?”

“Never, Addie.”

“Thenwhy?” I almost yell, getting to my feet. “Was it my fault?”

“No.”

“Did you have to deal drugs so you could afford to take care of me?”

He only stares at me, right into my eyes, but he doesn’t answer, and that’s answer enough.

A sob forces its way out of my throat, and my chest collapses, closing in on itself. I try to settle my breathing, try to calm the chaos swirling inside me. “There were so many days. So many nights. All I wanted was to hear from you, Roman… I needed to know you were okay. I just wanted to tell you I love you. That I miss you… Why didn’t you call me?”

He takes my hand, forces me to sit again, and I wait and wait, all while his eyes travel my face, taking in my state. My brother isn’t one to show weakness, to show emotion, but he does it now… “At first, it was shame,” he says finally. “When your parents left, I made it my mission to take care of you, to give you everything you needed in life, and I failed you, Addie.”

“No, you didn’t,” I whisper, adamant.

“And then it was to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

He doesn’t answer. “And then after, I wanted to make sure I had my shit together before—” he cuts off there, shaking his head, his gaze distant. “I don’t know,” he sighs out. “There’s a lot that went on with your mom and dad that I hid from you.”

My mom and dad were slaves to addiction. Drugs mainly. I didn’t realize it at the time, but when I look back… I see it clear as day.That trailer was no place for kids. That’s what Romanused to say, and that’s why he left. He told me later he quit school and got a job so he could save enough money to get us both out. It was his plan all along. He just had to implement it earlier than expected.

I hold back another onset of tears and ask, “Why hide it?”

“Because you were so young…”

“But I’m not anymore.”

“Yeah,” he says, his eyes holding mine as he echoes, “you’re not anymore.” He heaves out a sigh. “How much do you remember?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what memories are relevant here.”

Roman stands, starts toward the kitchen. “I’m going to need a beer. You want one?”

“I don’t drink.”

“Yeah?” He opens the fridge, pulls out a beer, cracks it open, then faces me. “Well, you might want to start after this…”

8

Liam

I stupidly set my alarm for p.m. instead of a.m. and now I’m late, which means Adelaide might already be here, and now I’m anxious.

Again.

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