Page 29 of Liam

“Yeah…”

Liam’s breaths are loud, short and labored, but I don’t look at him. I can’t. Not until I give him the answers he deserves. “I didn’t know any of these details until recently, when Romanfinally told me. But even back then, I knewsomethingwas different. Something waswrong.” I flash back to all the times Roman rushed me out of the house. “He was the one who cut the fence. He’d tell me to hide out here until he called for me to come back, so I knew whatever he was hiding from me… it couldn’t have been good. And so when you found me that day…” Guilt forms the tears that fill my eyes, flow down my cheeks. I wipe them away with the back of my hand. “I panicked, Liam. I thought you would tell someone—the cops, or your dad, or a teacher at school—and someone would check in on us and find out what Roman was doing, and…” I trail off, needing a moment to gather my thoughts, to breathe through the heartacheIcaused. I glance over at the boy beside me, his head dropped between his shoulders as he white-knuckles the edge of the dock. I imagine the version of him I left behind… quiet, timid,broken, and I push through the heaviness of my guilt, my remorse… forhim. “Roman… he used to tell me that if I ever got into a fight, I should always get the first punch. I think, in my mind, that’s what I wanted to do with you. Attack you before you could attack me. I figured if all the negative attention was on you, then… who cares what you might have to say about me? So Wyatt and I—” I stop when I notice Liam’s shoulders tense at the mention of Wyatt, and it only reinforces my regret. My hands ache to reach out and touch him, but my mind… my mind tells me otherwise.

“You and Wyatt, what?” he asks, and the dejection in his voice cracks a piece of my heart.

It feels like the only part of me that’s real is my bones.

“We looked up stupid names to call twins, and we went with whatever came up. We didn’t even know what it meant back then, but I swear to you, that’s all it was supposed to be. Just stupid names. I can’t remember if I fully comprehended that the black eyes and bruises you showed up with were caused by… by whatwedid. Maybe I assumed it was just you and your brothersbeing too rough with each other. Or, maybe, Iwantedto assume that, so it was easier to turn a blind eye to it all. And I don’t even know what else to say right now besides I’m sorry.” I sniff back my heartache, completely unworthy of it. “I’msosorry, Liam. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

He doesn’t respond, not physically or verbally.

“I was a scared little girl, afraid to lose the only person I had left. And I know it’s no excuse…” I wipe at my eyes, hold back the sob begging to escape. “I just needed you to know that it wasn’t your fault. It was nothing you did.” I stand quickly, no longer able to fight back my emotions. Liam doesn’t budge, doesn’t move an inch. I settle my breaths, just long enough to give him one last truth. “The other day, you asked me how I could always tell you and Lincoln apart, and I told you it was your eyes.”

He finally faces me, his melancholy stare right on mine.

“Your eyes are kind, Liam. Even now, when you look at me, having every reason to hate me, your eyes arekind. And I’m sorry I ever made you feel different.”

13

Liam

Darkness fills my already closed lids, and I peel one eye open to see my brother Logan standing in front of me, blocking the sunlight filtering through the open garage.

I sit taller in my chair, already on the defense for whatever it is he might have to say. He lowers his eyebrows, confused by my presence. I’m sure he didn’t expect to find me here, alone, sitting on a camp chair facing the vast nothingness in front of me.

I match his confusion.

It’s midday on a Friday, and he should be at work.

His mouth moves, but I don’t hear what he says, and it’s only now I remember the headphones covering my ears, the same song playing on repeat for over an hour now. I lower the headphones to my neck and ask, “What?”

He motions to the portable CD player resting on my lap. “You still use that old thing?”

“Sometimes.” I shrug. “What are you doing home?”

“Forgot my wallet.” He looks up to the door of the apartment above us, where he lives with his girlfriend, Aubrey, then back at me. “Need to get gas.”

“You can’t use your phone to pay?”

“Forgot my phone, too.”

“Sucks.”

For a long moment, we just stare at each other, neither of us saying a word, and I don’t know what more he could want or why he’s still standing in front of me.

“Hey…” he says, finally breaking the silence.Thank God.“I’m sorry no one told you about Addie working at the cabin. I know how you like your own space, and trust me, I get it. We really should have run it by you first.”

Not at all what I was expecting him to say, but it’s been hard to predict Logan the past few years. When we were kids, he’d usually just glare at us, followed by a curse, then go off somewhere to get high. We all know what caused the recent change in him. Though, sometimes, I wish I didn’t.

I lower my gaze, focus on his shadow. “It’s fine,” I murmur.

“How is it with her there?”

“Also fine.”

His shadow shifts. Not to walk away, but to come closer. “You know, I was actually thinking of taking the rest of the day off.”Liar. “You want to do something?”

Iwasdoing something, and that something was exactly what I wanted to be doing. I glance up at him, try to read his mind the way Linc does with me. Not surprisingly, it doesn’t work. I sigh. Growing up, Logan was the brother I was the least closest to. We just didn’t… click. Didn’t have anything that connected us. With Luke, it was sports. Leo—he at least made at effort. But Logan… I guess effort should go both ways, and neither of us really tried untilafter. After we thought we might have lost him forever. I mean—Ithought that. After Logan’s insane, drug-fueled benderto help him cope with the demons of his past, Lincoln wanted nothing to do with him. When Dad and my brothers were leaving to get him from jail, I remember Lincoln’s specific words:Let him rot in there. And I remember my dad looking at me and asking if I felt the same. I told him I did.

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