Page 31 of Liam

The song is upbeat, the melodies boppy, and the lyrics… the lyrics are almost whimsical. But the truth? The truth is based on an elderly couple from Texas, who drove to an event only ten miles from their home and never returned. The wife had Alzheimer’s, and the husband was recovering from brain surgery. When they first disappeared, a reporter wrote a series of articles about them, and the bassist for Fastball read the couple’s story and romanticized the idea of them taking off to live a carefree life together.

It wasn’t until thirteen days after they first went missing that they were found four hundred miles away. They were still in the vehicle, which had veered off the side of the road, hidden in brush.

The band had already finished writing the song when they found out about their deaths.

My chest tightens at the memories of that day, of listening to the song for the first time. I don’t look at Logan when I tell him, “You all talked about how devastating it was, and obviously, that’s true. But… you guys couldn’t understand why anyone would want to just pack it all up and leave everything behind, and I… I remember just staying quiet, because I kind of agreed with the song’s take on it all. The idea of just getting up one morning before dawn and disappearing…”

Logan remains silent as I work through my thoughts, my memories.

I was drawn to the idea. Not so much disappearing, but more…escaping, I guess, and even at that age, I understood why. They all talked about their futures, jobs, wives, kids, the works. I could never see myself beyond my current state.

I still can’t.

“That day was the first time I realized something was different about me,” I murmur. “Not because of how people saw me from the outside, but because of how I felt on the inside.”

Logan’s so quiet, I barely hear him. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Liam.”

Heat burns behind my eyes, and I close them, hoping he doesn’t notice. “I didn’t saywrong.I said different.”

Logan doesn’t respond to that, just lets the song continue to play. I gather my thoughts, my courage, and turn to him before opening my eyes. He’s already watching me, his vision clear and right on mine, and I wonder what he sees, what he thinks of me.

The day after I discovered the CD collection, he found me in the garage, listening to the same song through an old pair of headphones connected to the stereo. “You know you can get music on your phone now?” he’d cracked.

“I know, but it’s different like this. It’s less… clear,” I’d told him. But what I really meant was, it’s moreopen to interpretation.

A few days later, he found me in there again, doing the same thing. Then he handed me the portable CD Player. “Now you can listen to it anywhere.”

Everyone’s always said that Logan is the black sheep of the family. He had afuck thisattitude no one could match and gave zero shits about what people thought of him. But he was still popular at school and always had a ton of friends, no matter howfickle those friendships were. Prior to Aubrey, he could get any girl he wanted. He chose the best one.

Besides his sometimes (now understandably) shitty attitude, he was just like our older brothers, Lucas and Leo. Just like Lincoln and Lachlan.

Logan isn’t the black sheep of the family.

I am.

But, there have been moments, like the day he gave me the CD player, and right now, when I think… maybe neither of us is black. Maybe we’re the same shade of gray.

He clears his throat now, adjusting in his seat, as he keeps his eyes trained on mine. “So… are you going to tell me why you’re sitting here, listening to that song? I mean, whynow?”

I push out a breath, then inhaleslowly—just like the truths and realizations that have haunted me since I sat on the dock with Adelaide. Piece by piece. Little by little. “Because I don’twantto think like that anymore. I guess it just recently dawned on me that there’s so much I don’t see. So much I don’tknow. About the world, and aboutpeople, and… I don’t know. It’d be a damn shame if I continued this life blind to it all, you know?” I kick out my legs, get more comfortable accepting my new mindset. “I gotta start looking up more… start looking deeper than what’s on the surface.”

Logan cracks the tiniest of smiles. “Promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

“If you ever decide to pack up your shit and disappear, let me know, okay?”

“Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?”

He shrugs. “Not if I want to ride shotgun.”

14

Addie

“What do you eat every day?” The question comes from behind me, and I turn swiftly to see Liam leaning against the open doorway of the kitchen. He didn’t return to the cabin after our conversation at the dock a few days ago, and I haven’t seen him since.

I look down at the lunch bag in my hand, then up at him. “Turkey sandwich,” I answer and offer a shrug. “Roman makes it for himself, so he makes me the same. I think, in his mind, he still sees me as that little girl who needed saving…” Clearly, my nerves have gotten to me, because I’m rambling, providing way more information than he asked for, but I can’t help it. Iamnervous. His absence had me convinced I’d never see him again, let alone speak to him, and there was no one to blame for that but myself. My past actions were abhorrent, at best, and the guilt that’s come with it has had me sitting in limbo for days.

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