Page 84 of Liam

I laugh, not out of humor, but in disbelief. “That’s it, isn’t it?” I ask. “He wants to see other people, and youusedme to make yourself feel better about it.”

Addie swipes at her tears before lifting her chin, determined. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The anger ebbs. Flows. Just like the hatred that pumps through my veins. Wave after wave. I shake my head, inhale all the air my lungs can handle. “You know, you come back here with a chip on your shoulder, wanting to blame me for the way your life turned out. You want to act alltough, but you’re not. You’re weak, just like Iusedto be… letting some guy dictate your emotions, treat you like shit. It’s a front, Addie. All of it.”

“So fucking what?” she snaps back, finally revealing her true self. Her arms cross over her chest, eyes narrowed and right on mine. “You think I should be more likeyou? Change my skin, my appearance, for everyone else? Do it until I’m nothing butbones?”

There’s this space—somewhere between consciousness and oblivion, and for a moment—just one—I float there… completely disassociated from reality.

It’s her voice that brings me back. Her words. “Liam… I’msosorry.”

I push past her and down the porch steps, wishing more than anything I’d followed through with the silence.

“Liam!” she calls after me. “I’m reactive, okay? Fight or flight, remember?”

I stop in my tracks, keep my stance as even as my voice when I turn around, tell her, “Fight with someone else. I’m done here.”

“Liam…” she cries, and I don’t have it in me to care.

I hop on the bike, grab my helmet, my entire everything bursting to get out of here.

She stands in front of me now, gripping the handlebars. “Liam, please…”

I wish she’d stop saying my name. It meant something once. It means nothing anymore.

“What did you mean earlier… you said something about a note?”

“I’mdone, Addie.” I start the bike, rev the engine, but she won’t budge. “I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

“Hate me if you need to,” she cries, her cheeks stained with tears. “But just tell me about the note!”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“It matters to me!”

“And you think I give a shit what matters toyou?”

“Liam,please.”

Anger and frustration cause my eyes to drift shut. It also gives her just enough time to kill the bike, take the keys. My eyes snap open, land on hers. “Addie, I’m not playing.”

“Neither am I,” she says, her chest heaving. Rising and falling. “You may not care about me anymore, but you don’t know…” She huffs out a breath, fighting another onset of tearsshecaused. “You don’t know what it’s like to have these… snippets of memories. I think I remember things, but these tiny scraps of moments pop up and I don’t know where they’re from or what they mean… and if I—if I did something horrible—morehorrible to you, then I want to know.”

“Trust me,” I tell her, my tone a hell of a lot calmer than seconds ago. “You don’t.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

I stare at her, right into her eyes. Yesterday, while I was falling for her, they were the color of honey. I see glints of the hue now. Pieces of the girl Ithoughtshe was. I settle the helmet between my legs, press my hands flat on it to lessen their trembling. Then I sigh, annoyed at myself for giving in to her wants. I haven’t toldanyoneabout the note. Not even Lincoln. “In sixth grade, you left me a note in my locker?—”

Her head shake cuts me off. “I… I didn’t leave you a note.”

Bullshit.“You left me a note in my locker,” I repeat. “And you told me to meet you at the alley behind the pet store after school. You told me to come alone, and you said you had a surprise for me…” I pause, the memories flooding my mind, drowning me in desperation. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone,” I murmur, looking down. “Even after the hell you put me through with your bullshit names and slurs… I still went, because a part of me wanted to believe so badly you weren’t as horrible as you were.” I glance up, give her the whole truth, the wholeme, even if it kills me. “But Ilikedyou, Addie. And I hated that I liked you, but I did. From the moment I saw you, the first day of kindergarten.” The laughter that escapes is pure agony. “You know what that surprise was? Yourfriend, Helmet, and three of his buddies.”

Addie’s breaths are short, sharp. The tears that slip from her eyes are thick, ugly.

“You know, I’d been teased, called names, pushed around, but that day… that day I learned what arealbeating was. Four on one and I couldn’t do shit about it.” I swallow the knot in my throat, blink back the heat in my eyes. “You want to know why I hate surprises?That’swhy. That’s why I had Lachlan show up at the dock when he did—because I didn’t trust you then, and I sure as fuck don’t trust you now.”

Addie covers her face, her silent cries forcing her shoulders to shake.

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