Page 99 of Liam

I met Pierson the summer before my junior year. He was a year older and was staying with his aunt, who lived nearby. We literally bumped into each other on our morning runs and… that was it. We spent almost every spare second of that summer together, and we gotreallyclose,reallyfast. He was the first guy I’d ever dated, so itfeltlike love, though I’m sure it wasn’t.

I was open with him about my life, my past, my parents, and I confided in him that my biggest fear was that I’d become another statistic. That I’d be just another foster kid with a chip on my shoulder because of my parents and I didn’t want whotheywere to determine who I became. And I was succeeding. I was doing so well with Dayna and Griffin, and I think he saw that. And I think when he was asked who was driving that night, he wanted toprotectthat. Forme.

His dad is a high-profile politician in Raleigh, and I think Peirson assumed he could get him out of it. Or at the least, he could help him much more than Dayna and Griffin could help me.

The night before the wreck, we’d gone to a party together—some guy he’d met at the gym. Pierson was like that—making fast friends with everyone. We drank until we were tipsy. It was the one and only time I’d had alcohol. The guy’s place was close enough that we could walk to my house. So, once my curfew hit, he walked me home, kissed me goodnight, and left.

The following day, I got a phone call thatfeltlike an emergency. I felt like I needed to get somewhere right thatsecond. I had my license, but I didn’t have a car, and I didn’t want to ask to use Griffin’s or Dayna’s, because I didn’t want them asking questions. So, I called Pierson, asked if he would take me. He said he was too tired from the night before, especially for an eight-hour round trip, but he said he’d come with me if I could drive his car. So that’s what we did.

And our lives have never been the same since.

I have zero memories of the days after the accident. I just remember waking up in the hospital, and Dayna was there. Peirson’s name was the first word I spoke. I asked where he was. How he was. But she wouldn’t tell me anything. My phone had been recovered in the accident, but the battery was dead, so I charged it, and when it restarted, there was a single text from Pierson. It was just three words—wait for me. I didn’t know what it meant.

Not until later.

Dayna waited for Griffin to visit so they could both sit down and fill in the gaps for me.

Pierson had been arrested, charged, and pleaded guilty.

Apparently, once we got to the hospital after the accident, they drew our blood for alcohol content. I came up zero, but Pierson… he still had some in his system—a tiny amount. But still illegal for a minor. Dayna told me that during the closed hearing, he admitted he went back to that party and continued to drink.

His dad couldn’t get him off completely, but they agreed on his punishment. He had to finish high school at a military-style boarding school, house arrest for a year, complete with ankle monitor. Two years suspended license, and once he got it back, he had to have an ignition interlock device installed on any car he drives until he’s twenty-one. He also got a hundred and fifty hours of community service, plus reckless driving causingdeathon his permanent record.

I think the worst part of it all is the investigation concluded the accident was exactly that—anaccident. They took into account the weather and the condition of the roads, the bendwherewe collided, and it was like… like a perfect storm, down to the second. It was unavoidable. The judge said, had Pierson not been drinking, things may have turned out differently.

If he’d just told the truth—that it was me driving…

Itried.

I tried contacting the police department, the prosecutors, the judge… anyone who would listen. If they’d just look at the seat position of his car, they’d know it was me. If they looked at the fucking wound on the left side of my collarbone left by the seat belt, they’d know it was me. If they did anything other than take his word for it, they’d know it was me.

Griffin and Dayna—eventually, they knew it was me. But it was too late. And in the end, they wanted the same things for me that Pierson did.

They wanted to give me a chance at a life I had no right living. They wanted so badly for me to beat the odds. They stand on the sidelines and cheer me on, but… most days, especially lately, I feel like I fall short of their expectations.

Because while the pursuit of perfection may include redemption… my biggest fear, now, is thatI’mirredeemable.

37

Liam

It’s hard to listen to Addie speak. To listen to her broken breaths and her cries of tortured anguish. It’s hard to keep track of her words, to make sense of the events that led us to here. But it’s even harder not to cave into my heart’s desires, not to hold her close and promise that everything will be okay.

Because I don’t know if it will be.

“Anyway,” she says, staring ahead as she wipes the liquid heartache from her cheeks. “During the hearing—before Griffin and Dayna knew the truth—Griffin pushed for a no-contact order for three years. I guess he assumed that Pierson was a bad influence, so…”

“So that’s what thewait for metext meant.”

“Yeah…”

“And that’s why you can’t discuss anything with him?”

Addie nods. “I still have him on social, and for the year after the wreck, he didn’t post anything. I don’t know if it was a rule of his boarding school or what, but… I was too scared to communicate with him, and he hadn’t messaged me, so maybehe felt the same. But he’s posted some in the past couple of years, and I see what he’s doing, who he’s dating…” She’s still staring ahead, her eyes unfocused as she continues, “I don’t even know if he remembers sending that text or what it means. It’s just—for the pastalmostthree years, I’ve done what he’s asked, because it’s the least he deserves.” She finally faces me, her eyes red and raw. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Liam. I should have.”

I shake my head. It all seems so inconsequential now. “When Roman mentioned it, all he said is you have a boyfriend, and?—”

“He doesn’t know. I mean, obviously he knows about Pierson, but just that he exists, where he exists, and how long he’s existed for. He doesn’t know about the circumstances.”

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