Page 83 of Stick Fight

I’m not that miracle.

God, I hate that thought. What a selfish, self-centered thing to think.

Not everything is about you, man.

Outside, we climb into the Uber. As the city blurs past the window, I try to shake the unease sitting heavy in my gut.

“Okay, out with it,” Nolan says, turning toward me.

“What?”

“You’re moping, bro. And it’s not a good look.”

“Fuck off. I’m not moping.”

I totally am.

“You’re in looove,” he sings in that obnoxious younger-brother voice. I shove his head and snort.

“You’ll see her in a week,” he adds, a little softer this time.

I drag my teeth over my bottom lip. “It’s not that,” I admit, voice low.

“Then what is it?”

I pause. “Did you see what she was working on in the den?”

“Nope. She kept the door locked up tight. Why?”

“She comes from the fashion world. Her dream was to design wedding dresses. Big, dreamy couture stuff.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that. And of course I had to check out the woman who stole my brother’s heart.” He goes serious, and adds, “There were a lot of posts about the wedding, and that it was still on. I haven’t seen much lately, as it seems to have died down, but what’s really going on?”

I look out my window, the city fading behind us. “I told her she should be chasing her dreams, but now I’m worried…” I swallow, unable to finish the sentence because it’s too fucking painful to think about.

“You wonder if you might be sending her back into the arms of her ex-fiancé?”

My gaze flies to his. “Yeah.”

“You think you might be pushing her away on purpose? Like maybe this has more to do with you than her, Roman. Your fears from our childhood?”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Are there ghosts of my childhood past still lingering? Am I still haunted by them?

“Have you fully, one hundred percent committed?”

“I…think so. I just…maybe I didn’t want to sway her. But she must know how I feel.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Listen, we had a fucked-up childhood. You protected me the whole time, big brother. I’ll never forget that. You’re the best big brother a guy could ever ask for.” My throat grows tight. “But no one was protecting you.”

I turn from him, and squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m okay, Nolan,” I murmur, barely above a whisper.

“Are you, though?” A moment of silence and then, “Have you told Gabby that you loved her?”

“Yes…I mean no. Not in words.”

“You guys are good, Roman. Solid. Even behind closed doors. I can see that, and you don’t have anything to be afraid of. I promise you that. You don’t have to push her away, and you don’t have to keep guarding your heart like you’re in survival mode.”

“I’m not trying to push her away. If I did, I didn’t mean to. I just don’t want her giving up on her dreams. What if I was only ever her rebound with benefits, and she’s settling, pivoting her dreams in a world that she’s not meant to be in? What if she comes to resent that? She hasn’t been broken up that long.”

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