Page 24 of Connor

I swallowed hard and typed: What to do when you’re pregnant and nauseous.

The search results loaded in seconds.Morning Sickness: What Helps?Tips to Ease Nausea in Early Pregnancy…Is Morning Sickness Normal?

I clicked the first link, my breath shallow as I skimmed through the list. Eat small meals. Keep crackers by your bed. Sip ginger tea. Avoid strong smells. None of it helped. None of it made me feel like I wasn’t about to fall apart.

My stomach clenched again, this time for an entirely different reason.

I went back to the search bar and stared at it. My heart pounded against my ribs, a steady don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it— but I ignored it.

Slowly, carefully, I typed: How to tell your family about an unexpected pregnancy.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed enter, then realized it wouldn’t help and peeked open to see the screen filled with results.Telling Your Parents You're Pregnant: A Step-by-Step Guide.How to Break the News About an UnplannedPregnancy… How to Tell Your Family You're Expecting (When They Won't Be Happy)...

My throat felt tight. My fingers trembled as I scrolled, reading the same advice over and over. Be honest. Stay calm. Give them time to process. Have a plan. Like it was that easy. Like they had any idea what my family was like.

I couldn’t remember the last time Vic or I had spoken to my parents. Three years ago on my sweet sixteen, maybe? No… Mom had said she’d come but then was given the opportunity to walk at a fashion show. She loved the runway more than she loved the children who wrecked her beautiful body, and Dad… Dad preferred his secretaries and the job he had in California. They could give all the excuses they wanted, but they weren’t ever part of our lives and that wasn’t changing very soon. If it weren’t for Vic… God, I didn’t know where I’d be.

The only persons I could tell my secret to were Vic and Connor. Those two were the only ones that mattered. I knew Victor would drop everything, pack his bags, and show up at my door before I even finished the sentence. I knew he’d tear apart the shaky walls I was trying to build just to make sure I wasn’t alone in this. I knew he would hate Connor if he ever found out.

I clenched my jaw and closed the tab, exhaling sharply. My fingers hovered over the keyboard again, frustration curling in my chest.

I didn’t know what I was looking for. Answers. Solutions. A way to make this all go away. But instead, I landed on a site I never should have clicked.Teen Pregnancy Forum: Your Stories.

I hesitated, my thumb hovering over the screen. Then, before I could stop myself, I tapped the link. The page loaded, filling the screen with an endless scroll of posts.

"I found out last week, and I don’t know what to do."

"My boyfriend left as soon as I told him."

My finger stalled on the last one. How would Connir react? We weren’t in any relationship for him to leave, how the hell would he react when I told him? I had to, didn’t I? I continued reading, my breath disappearing as more and more results popped up.

"Is abortion the best option if I have no support?"

"Thinking about adoption. Does it ever stop hurting?"

My breath hitched, and I realized I was shaking.

I needed to stop reading.

I needed to close the damn site.

But I couldn’t.

Not when the words were right there, staring at me, forcing me to acknowledge the truth I hadn’t let myself think about yet.

Abortion.

Adoption.

Keeping it.

My pulse roared in my ears. Why was I freaking out? I didn’t need to read the sites to know that those were my options. There wasn’t a way out of this. No magic fix. No undo button. No matter what I did, my life was about to change forever.

I had no idea how to handle it, but my finger pressed the exit button all on its own and I went to my messaging app—I found myself hovering over my last message to Connor. Then I switched the phone off and stared at the ceiling instead.

***

The next few days passed in a haze.

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