[TODDLER]
(sobbing)
[ELLEN]
Too creepy! Too creepy! You’re scaring him! Try something else!
[BENNETT CHARLES]
It’s cool, it’s cool, man. Let’s be chill.
[TODDLER]
(whimper)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Lookee here, I’ve got something cool. It’s the Key to My Heart! Let’s trade!
[ELLEN]
Is the baby gonna do it? Is he gonna do it? … He did it!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[BENNETT CHARLES]
I’m gonna need that back later, man, but it’s cool, you can chew on it for now.
[ELLEN]
What a comeback for Bennett Charles! Watch out, ladies, he’s a sweet talker!
[AUDIENCE]
(applauding, cheering)
[ELLEN]
Bennett, I wish you the best of luck. We’re all rooting for you to find your True Love.
[BENNETT CHARLES]
Aw, thanks, Ellen.
[ELLEN]
The Keyairs Tuesdays at 8pm on RX this November. We’ll be back right after this.
6
It went without saying that the women who made it through enough rounds of casting to be ushered into Peter’s conference room for the final stamp of approval were the kind of women who could easily be imagined on the cover ofPeopleshowcasing a three-carat rock next to aLOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!headline. So when Edie Pepper walked in with her runny nose, messy ponytail, yoga pants, and bright red University of Wisconsin sweatshirt with a strutting badger across the chest, Peter couldn’t help but think she looked less like a luminous fiancée and more like—as Wyatt would say—she’d been rode hard and put away wet.
“Welcome to Los Angeles,” Peter said, extending a hand.
Edie sneezed loudly three times. “Oh my god, so sorry. I must be allergic to Hollywood.” She laughed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand before shaking his. “It’s been like this ever since I got off the plane.”