Page 41 of Fan Favorite

“Hands in!” Max cried, and they each put a hand in the middle. “On three: Jump! Set! Spike! Win!”

“Jump! Set! Spike! Win!” they cried, and Edie, who’d never been on a sports team a single day in her life, was both jostled by the amount of screaming required and oddly energized by the pursuit of a shared goal. Suddenly she found herself making hooting noises, punching the air with one arm and holding up her swimsuit with the other.

As the girls arranged themselves across the sand and the crew got into position, Bennett Charles, freshly changed into a pair of tight blue swim trunks with a silver whistle dangling from his neck, strutted onto the beach with his producers and made his way to the lifeguard’s chair looming over mid-court. As Edie took her place at the net, she tried to catch his eye—if there was anyone who’d appreciate this swimsuit, it was Charlie.

He’d always loved a good costume.

He climbed the wooden ladder, mounted his perch, and with his hands on his hips, appraised the scene below. His gaze finally landed on Edie, and for a second, his face flashed with surprise, like he’d forgotten she was there, before transforming into amusement as he took in her look. He jutted his chin and hollered, “Lookin’ good, Pepper!”

“Aww, he’s sweet,” Zo said, arriving at the other side of the net. “’Cause you look like Tonya Harding washed up on a beach in Tampa.” She adjusted the hips of her bikini—her thigh gap was more like a thigh highway. “Not that I’ve been to Tampa. I wouldn’t be caught dead in Florida.”

“Ma’am,” Edie said, turning to Zo. “I hope you’ll forgive us when we don’t invite you to the wedding.”

“Please. The only way you’re getting married is if you show up on some TLC show and marry a dude who’s never seen your face.” Zo blew a kiss to Charlie. He made a show of catching it midair and pressing it to his heart. She turned back to Edie with a smirk. “Actually, I love that journey for you.”

And with that, Zo caught a volleyball from a PA and stalked toward the serving line.

What a bitch!Edie turned around quickly—two could play this walk-off-haughtily game—and instantly crashed into Ted and his camera. Down she went, landing soundly on her ass in the sand.

“Medical!” Peter yelled, jogging across the sand to Edie. “Are you okay?” he asked, hinged at the hips to assess the situation.“Do you need a doctor?” She shook her head, and he slung his arms under her armpits and hoisted her back to her feet. “Good as new,” he pronounced. As Peter trotted off the court, sand exploding around his loafers with each footfall, Bennett Charles brought his whistle to his lips and gave it one sharp blow.

“Let the game begin!” he cried.

Zo threw the volleyball high in the air and served it with impressive strength, speed, and accuracy at Edie’s crotch. When it hit her, she emitted a guttural “Oof” and was felled to the sand once more.

“That’s one!” Zo cheered.

Max pulled a fetaled Edie to her feet. “Fall down seven times, get up eight,” she said, brushing Edie off.

Zo launched another ball directly at Edie, but this time Bailey yelled, “Mine!” and Edie jumped out of the way. Bailey set the ball to Max, who rose high into the air and, with an impressive roar, slammed it back over the net.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Max yelled, rewarding each member of the team with a chest bump.

From the lifeguard stand, Bennett continued to enthusiastically blow his whistle.

The game continued unevenly—one minute the girls were crashing into each other and totally missing the ball, and the next they were crushing epic volleys that had Bennett Charles on the edge of his seat. Lily’s ankle bracelet played a veritable symphony as she ran across the court while Bennett yelled from the lifeguard chair, “Go, Lily! Go, Lily! Go!” until she tripped and crashed hard, catching a faceful of sand, and the chimes were silenced once again. After a long volley, Zo set McKayla for a spike that she crushed over the net, catching Bailey on the ass with a resoundingthwack. Immediately, Bennett flew down from his perch, his face full of concern as he stared at the splotch on her left butt cheek. Edie was stunned when he pulledBailey in for a hug and stroked her hair, like she was some precious treasure, right in front of everyone. Zo continued to serve the ball directly at Edie while Max did her best to volunteer as tribute, running and diving all over the court until her blue zinc was smeared all over her face, arms, and chest. But clearly Bennett didn’t mind, because during the break they talked strategy, miming various plays together, and Edie noticed him licking his lips as he gave Max a fist bump. And after almost every single volley, Aspen darted to wherever the ball landed and slowly bent over to retrieve it, her lovely lady lumps waggling for Bennett and the cameras. Once he even applauded. From the sidelines, Adam Fox, who’d been called out from the clubhouse to interview the girls in faux ESPN mini segments, held a small electric fan to his face and muttered, “This show used to have some class. Now we might as well be on Bravo.”

When Parker lost a diamond earring, a time-out was called and a search mounted with PAs and low-level producers digging around on their hands and knees in the sand until, miraculously, it was found. But then Jessa thought Bennett should be the one to find it, so he stopped doing pushups and knelt on the beach, his abs glistening, and on cue, pulled the earring from the sand, offering it to the sky like some swole Indiana Jones. Parker flew into his arms and covered his face with kisses. Edie put a hand over her mouth to stifle her outrage.

“No one ever said it was gonna be easy,” Jessa said, materializing at Edie’s side.

“I’m getting my ass kicked all over this beach in Dorothy Zbornak’s swimsuit,” Edie complained. “And he hasn’t even talked to me once.”

“You’ve got to push yourself to stand out.”

“I’m not going to bend over and shake my ass at him, Jessa.”

“Of course not. But you gotta do whateverEdie Pepperwould do to get her man.”

Jessa winked and handed Edie the volleyball.

As Jessa walked away, Edie wondered, whatwouldEdie Pepper do to get her man? It’s not like any previous strategies had worked. Isn’t that how she’d ended up onThe Keyin the first place? And she had no clue what she’d done to inspire Charlie’s key ceremony kiss—it just sort ofhappened.Jessa was constantly chirpingJust be yourselfat her, but had there ever been a time when just being herself had actually worked?

It was Edie’s turn to serve and everyone was waiting, so finally she gritted her teeth, said a little prayer to Oprah, and threw the volleyball straight up in the air. It levitated in the sky for a moment before dropping lower, lower, until Edie raised her fist—THWACK!—and sent it careening straight into a camera.

“Whoa!” Peter shouted as a couple of grips in backward caps and cargo shorts lunged to save the gear.

“Sorry!” Edie yelled, mortified. “Sorry!”

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