Page 42 of Fan Favorite

The shrill trumpet of Bennett’s whistle rang through the air and Edie shielded her eyes from the sun to look up at him.

“Nice one, Pepper!” he yelled from his tower.

“You suck at this,” Zo taunted when they faced off again at the net.

“You suck at life,” Edie retorted, before finding it within herself to dive for a ball, which she missed. The saggy crotch of her swimsuit dragged through the sand, pulling a castle’s worth into her nether regions.

“At least I don’t have crabs,” Zo said, pointing at the sand pouring from Edie’s crotch as she struggled to her feet. “You’ve got a natural habitat down there.”

Finally, they were tied at game point. Max called a time-out and gathered the team in a huddle.

“You guys are doing awesome, okay?” she said, assessing her bedraggled team. Edie, grumpy in her sagging granny suit. Lily, her hair sticking out from her braids in tangled clumps.Bailey, somehow still put together, if a touch flushed. “Just fucking awesome.” A thought occurred to her, and Max stood up quickly, knocking Ted and his camera back a few steps. “Has it been a dirty game? Yes. But here’s what I always say: The plan never survives first contact with the enemy. All we need now is one great play and this thing is O-V-E-R, over. And the one-on-one time isours.”

While Max outlined the strategy for the final play, Edie watched Peter interview Charlie a few feet away.

“Do you like when the women fight over you?” Peter asked.

“Do I like it when the women fight over me?” Bennett parroted back to the camera. “Hmm… let me think about it…Yes.” He smiled easily. And then glanced over at Edie, his hands resting on his hip bones. Peter followed his gaze, his hands shoved in the back pockets of his jeans. She stared at the two of them staring at her, the hard-bodied Bennett Charles and the hard-boiled Peter Kennedy, not paying attention to a word Max was saying.

“Edie,” Max said, snapping her fingers in front of Edie’s face. “Did you catch that?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Edie said. She gave the team a reassuring smile. “Got it.”

“For Bennett!” Max yelled.

But while her teammates rushed the court, Edie stood on the sidelines watching Charlie stride away from Peter and, unbelievably, straight into Zo’s crotch. Paralyzed, Edie stared as Zo jetéd into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing her vagina into his six-pack. He cupped her tiny bikinied butt, and she threw back her gorgeous bobblehead, laughing. Then, as the camera circled, Zo brushed back the sweaty curls from his forehead, placed her hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him to her, kissing him right in front of everyone.

A strange noise gargled in Edie’s throat.

“Having fun?” Peter asked, appearing at Edie’s side.

“Oh, yeah, this is a great fucking time, Peter,” Edie spat. Her entire body vibrated with the uncomfortable realization that her super-special-made-for-TV-kiss, the beacon of hope that had kept her going through every stage of this humiliating day, was maybe not so special after all. “Super glad I left my entire life behind to watch Bennett remove Zo’s spleen with his tongue.” Edie angrily dusted off her sandy butt. “But you know what I really love? Having a camera up my ass while I keep falling on it. I’m thirty-five, Peter. I get sore fromsleeping. I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow. But I guess that’s not a problem since Bennett Charles/Charlie Bennett—whoever the fuck he is—forgot I even exist.”

“Fair enough,” Peter said, arms crossed and rocking casually on his heels.

She glared at him.

“Have you thought about, I dunno, spraining your ankle? That might get his attention.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Just spitballing here.” Peter paused like he was thinking it over. Across the beach, Bennett put Zo down and gave her a little pat on the butt as she trotted back across the court. Peter turned to face Edie. “Here’s the thing. You’re here for the right reasons. But the right reasons onThe Keyare just…a framing device. Most people don’t take it so seriously. That’s your problem. That’s why you’re not having fun.”

Edie slit her eyes at Peter. “My problem?” she said through clenched teeth. “Maybe theshow’sthe problem, Peter. Maybe theshow’swhy I’m not having fun.”

“Exactly!” he said, jabbing his finger in the air like a professor whose pupil finally arrived at the correct answer. “The show’s the show. It’s got a format, and you either accept it or you don’t. Edie, who finds love this way? It’s absurd. You’ve putyourself in an absurd situation. What you need to do now is connect to the ridiculousness of it all. Have a little fun.”

Edie dug a wad of swimsuit out of her butt. “Me agreeing to wear this swimsuit on national television wasn’t absurd enough for you?”

“No, it was.” Peter laughed.

She glared at him again.

“C’mon,” he said, shaking her arm to snap her out of it. “Honestly, I didn’t think this whole thing was gonna work. But you’ve surprised me. And I can admit when I’m wrong. Even if I hate to be wrong.” When she didn’t soften, he slung his arm over her shoulders and gestured to theKeyworld before them. “Edie, look around you. You’re like an actual person in a sea of interchangeable sponconners, and really, I like that about you. Who cares if you fall on your ass and your swimsuit is ugly? America’s gonna love you for it. Because that’s exactly what America would do if she were here. If there’s one thing America’s good at, it’s falling short of her ideals.”

Edie couldn’t help herself; she started laughing. “Are you seriously invoking ‘America’ right now?”

Peter laughed. “Yes, but as a metaphor. Look, Edie, you’re like the Paul Rudd ofThe Key. An adorable everywoman. But an exceptional one. Someone we can root for.”

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