Page 72 of Fan Favorite

“Bennett Charles,” she said, feeling flirty, “what’s the best Tom Hanks movie?”

“Easy,” he said with a shrug.“Saving Private Ryan.”

An answer so upsetting, Edie instantly felt nauseous. Awkwardly she dismounted Bennett’s lap and landed hard on the bench, her stomach churning. Was she going to throw up? A camera pushed in. If so, where? Edie scanned the deck for an exit, and, of course, that’s when she saw him. Peter. Standing next to a life preserver, one arm crossed over his chest, the other holding his chin in his hand as he stared at her.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck,” Edie said.

And then she leaned over the railing and hurled.

The night Zo was eliminated, shit really hit the fan.

Perhaps it was the pressure of the impending lock-ins. Or the Scotch everyone (except an extremely hungover Edie) drankon the way to the key ceremony on the shore of Loch Lomond. But when Adam Fox appeared, framed in a panorama of glassy water and rolling hills, and said—

“Ladies, the final key of the night.”

And Bennett Charles slowly raised his eyes from the grass and said—

“Aspen.”

—Zo completely lost her shit.

Instantly she started screaming. Like a sea witch emerging from the loch itself, Zo released a series of high-pitched staccato shrieks, her head thrown back, dark hair whipping in the wind. Everyone—Bennett, the girls, production—gaped at her, shocked such a heinous sound could come from such a tiny woman. Until, suddenly, like a plug pulled from a socket, Zo’s jaw clamped shut, and the loch was silent once again.

“I swear to god I won’t stay if you don’t want me to,” Aspen begged, bravely reaching a hand toward Zo.

“This is not how this ends, you pre-ejaculating piece of shit,” Zo hissed, and with the preternatural grace of an enraged prima ballerina, Zo lunged across the grass toward Bennett.

“Oh my god,” Edie said, grabbing Max’s arm. Zo’s hands were Wolverined in the air like she was going to claw his eyes out. “She’s going to kill him.”

Bennett scanned the premises as if looking for an exit—across from him, an infantry of bachelorettes; on both sides, clusters of production people under pop-up tents; behind him, the loch. Edie watched three separate cameramen and their attending PAs dart across the grass to keep up with Zo. A drone shot across the sky. At the production tent, Jessa held Peter back. And that’s when Edie realized she was watching a master at work. Of course Zo wasn’t going to walk off set with her head held high. She wanted an exit that would leave everyone talking.

“Bennett!” Peter yelled as Zo closed in. “Run!”

Finally, Bennett started to run, darting back and forth across the grass like a wide receiver, occasionally spinning into a fake-out and heading in the opposite direction. But Zo was both fast and undeterred. Anticipating his strategy, she kept up with his maneuvering until finally they arrived at a stalemate, crouched like tigers in the grass, waiting for the right moment to strike.

“Listen, Zo,” Bennett pleaded, his hands up in surrender. “It’s not you, it’s me—”

“Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!” she screeched as she lunged. But at the very last second, Bennett dodged, and Zo flew past him, down a little hill, straight into the lake.

“Zo!” Aspen screamed, lurching across the grass in her stilettos. When she reached the water, Aspen didn’t hesitate before wading in after her.

“Oh no, her dress!” Bailey cried as they watched Aspen sway for a moment on her six-inch heels before falling ass-first into the water.

“You’re going to regret this, Bennett Charles!” Zo snarled, her gown hanging off her in a wet sheet. Zo started wrestling with her mic pack and stood to look Bennett in the eyes. “And to think I loved you,” she spat, enunciating every word with the snarl of a seasoned soap star.

“She. Is.Magnificent,” Max declared.

Bennett collapsed in the grass, pulling his tie and fanning himself with his shirt. Red splotches crept up his neck and he began to wheeze. Bailey and a cameraman fell to their knees at his side. “It’s so hard,” he croaked. “Being loved this much.”

“Oh, babe,” Bailey said, pulling him to her bosom. “I know it is.”

AMID ALLEGATIONS OF “TOXIC ENVIRONMENT,”THE KEYPREMIERES TO LOWEST RATINGS IN SERIES HISTORY, SHOWRUNNER WEIGHS IN

BY LUCY LYONS

Most dramatic season ever? So far audiences don’t think so. Only 5 million viewers tuned in to watch extreme sportsman Bennett Charles make his debut asThe Key’s twenty-second suitor, but showrunner Peter Kennedy says he’s not worried.

“If anything, we were expecting this,” Kennedy toldUs. “America needs a chance to get to know Bennett and—just like the twenty gorgeous women vying for his heart—we know they’re going to fall head over heels in love.”

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