Page 100 of A Bolt of Magic

“Is everything okay?” He is frowning heavily. “Is it your grandmother? Something else?”

He’s so sweet. It makes me want him even more.

“I need to tell you something,” I say quickly, before I can change my mind. “It’s important. I should have told you before now.”

His eyebrows rise. “What is it? You can trust me.”

“I know. It’s just that it’s…sensitive. When I saw my grandmother earlier today, she shed some light on our magical abilities. She couldn’t remember exactly what it was all about, only that there was a way for us to keep access to our powers, even when we’re apart.”

“That sounds good. What do we need to do?”

“That’s where it gets tricky. She said that we are joined magically on a spiritual level. She said that we need to join on the physical plane, as well.”

He frowns but doesn’t say anything.

“We need to have sex. There! I said it.”

His eyes widen, but he still doesn’t say anything.

“I know it complicates things since we’re…um…friends,” I go on, speaking fast. “I also know that we’re attracted to each other, which would make it easier.” I sigh. “What I’m trying to say is that I think we should go ahead, Kian. I mean, we’re both adults. We’re both consenting. I’m not a virgin, so it isn’t a big deal. I have the blackbark tea, so there’s no risk of pregnancy. You’re leaving soon, so there’s no chance of either of us developing feelings.”

Now his expression is unreadable. He’s just standing there.

Oh, gods!

“So that’s it,” I finish, my cheeks burning. “That’s what she told me. A way for both of us to keep what we’ve gained. I don’t mind so much. I can get by without having much access to my powers, but you’ve got a war to win, Kian. What do you think? What do you want to do?”

The silence stretches between us, growing heavier with each passing second. Kian stares at me, and I can see something working behind his green eyes, but I can’t read what it is.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Please don’t be mad. It’s confusing…that’s all,” I add when the silence becomes unbearable.

“That’s a lot,” he finally says.

This is followed by more silence. So much silence that I start to fidget, smoothing down my skirts, playing with the stone of my necklace.

“If it isn’t what you—” I start to say.

“You’re right; it makes practical sense to go through with it, but you don’t seem like the type who has casual sex.” His voice is quiet, careful. “I respect you too much to let you do anything outof a sense of duty. Or because you feel you owe me something. Would I love to keep my powers? Yes, but at any cost? No.”

The gentleness in his voice, the concern, nearly undoes me. But I force myself to keep my expression neutral, practical.

“I’ve only ever had sex with one person, and then, only a handful of times, so no, I’m not into casual. Like I said, I’m a grown woman. I know you respect me. I respect you, too. I definitely wouldn’t do this out of a sense of duty. No way!” I laugh. “I’ve wanted power my whole life, Kian,” I say with a shrug that I hope looks casual. “This is my chance…our chance. I happen to find you attractive. I think we could be good together…in bed, that is. It could be fun.” I gesture between us. “It’s the perfect solution. One night together. We cement our powers, and then after your meeting with The Circle, after they’re on board with your plans, you go on your way. We both benefit. The end.”

The words feel like sharp stones in my mouth, but I force them out anyway. I need him to believe this is just about magic and attraction. Nothing deeper. Nothing that will complicate things when he leaves.

Various emotions flicker across his face – disappointment? Relief? Desire, perhaps? It happens so quickly that I can’t quite tell.

“Only if you’re sure,” he says slowly. “I know that it’s just sex, but—”

But what?

He doesn’t finish what he wanted to say, and I want to groan in frustration.

“It would be a practical solution. An agreement between friends. And, yes, I’m sure.” The lie comes easily. I’ve had years of practice hiding my true feelings. There is a part of me that feels like this is a mistake. I’ve never been more confused, and yet never wanted anyone more.

I want him.

“Very sure.” I reach for the hem of my dress and pull it over my head in one swift motion, letting the silky fabric pool at my feet. I stand before him completely naked, my heart pounding so hard that I’m sure he can hear it.

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