Page 108 of A Bolt of Magic

Something shifts in Lydia’s expression. The arrogant, confident woman I’ve known my entire life seems to crumble before my eyes, her shoulders sag.

“You don't understand,” she says quietly. Her voice is completely different now. Vulnerable. “The reason I’ve been so hard on you…” She shakes her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” I attempt to soften my voice, too.

She swallows and then looks up at the sky. She looks to be on the verge of tears. “I’ve always been jealous of you, McColl.”

I blink at her, certain I must have misheard. “Jealous? Of me?” That can’t be right.

“Yes…of you. Lilith Ravencrest is your mother. She just happens to be the most powerful witch in our coven, maybe in all the covens. You had both parents growing up, and a grandmother who adored you. You lived in the biggest, grandest house in the village.” Her voice catches slightly. “Do you know anything about me? You can’t possibly.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we were children in school together, what did you know about me?”

“You were popular. You’re magically gifted. You never had to try too hard.” I shrug. It’s true; when I think about it, I don’t know much about Lydia beyond that. “I know that you bullied me. Made fun of me. I’m sorry, but I didn’t particularly want to get to know you. I tried to stay as far away from you as possible.”

She nods, looking down at her feet for a few moments. “I guess I can’t blame you for that. My life wasn’t as good as it seemed. I lived in one of the smaller sheds on the edge of the village. A tiny one-bedroom house – if you can even call it that. I lived with my mother. My father died when I was still a baby. Idon’t remember him at all. Not a single thing. She wouldn’t tell me about him either. She said it hurt too much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“At least your mother took an interest in you, McColl. She pushed you and wanted you to be the best you could be. My mother didn’t care. She preferred the company of elderflower wine to anything else, including her only child. I had to look after her and not the other way around. Some days, we didn’t even have food to eat, but there was always wine.”

The words hit me with surprising force. I had no idea. All these years, I’d seen Lydia as someone who had it all together. Someone who had everything.

“I didn’t know,” I whisper.

Lydia's smile is bitter. “Not many people did, and I liked it that way. I had to work on portraying a certain image. It took years to perfect. But it was never true.” She looks down at her hands. “You have always had the ability to turn every head in a room without even trying. You’re a natural beauty who could snap her fingers and have any man she wanted. Including, apparently, a king.”

I shake my head, still reeling from these revelations. “Lydia, that’s not—”

“Let me finish, please. You didn’t let the fact that you don’t have much access to your power get to you,” she continues. “Not you.” She shakes your head. “Anyone else would have given up, but you shouldered on. Your sheer tenacity and work ethic was admired by everyone.”

“That’s nonsense.” Is she right? Did I miss it? Was I too absorbed with being a disappointment and not living up to my mother’s expectations that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me?

“Do you remember Professor Thornfield?”

I wince at the name. “She was so hard on me. Nearly broke me with her constant criticism.”

“She was hard on you because she respected you,” Lydia says firmly. “She saw something in you. That’s why she pushed and pushed.” Her voice grows quieter. “Most would have crumbled. Not you, McColl. Then there’s the fact that you survived so long with so little magic in a fae Court; that’s incredible. And then you escaped. I can’t think of a single person who’s ever made it out of a fae Court alive.”

My throat tightens with unexpected emotion.

“And now…” Lydia's voice grows soft. “Now you have a fae king completely in love with you. That’s why I’ve been such a bitch. I’m jealous. I’ve never been so envious of anyone in my entire life.”

The revelation crashes over me like cold water. “I didn’t know. It never entered my mind.”

“I told myself that if I ever saw you again, I would apologize for how I treated you when we were young. But the moment I laid eyes on you, all my old insecurities came rushing back. I reverted to that jealous, bitter girl I was in school.” Her shoulders slump completely. “I’m so ashamed. I should never have treated you the way I did. At least at school, I had an excuse – I was young and ignorant. I was hurting and lashed out. I didn’t know better. I don’t have any excuse anymore. I know better now, and yet I fell so easily into my old ways. I’m sorry, McColl. I hope you can forgive me, and maybe we can make a fresh start.” Her eyes are wide and filled with unshed tears. “I would understand if you can’t. If you hated me.”

I stare at her for a long moment, processing everything she’s told me. This vulnerable, broken woman in front of me is so different from the confident tormentor I remember. And yet, I can see the hurt child she must have been, lashing out because she was drowning in her own pain.

I never saw it that way.

I never knew.

“Yes, of course I forgive you,” I say softly. “And yes, we can absolutely start over. I would like that.”

“Thank you.” She takes a tentative step toward me. I take one toward her, unsure what to do next.

---