Page 115 of A Bolt of Magic

“We spent two nights together,” McColl said.

“Did it work?”

“Yes...”

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I stood outside that door, about to knock, when I heard those damning words. I waited. Gods help me, I waited for McColl to correct what her grandmother said, to explain that it wasn’t like that between us. That what we shared meant something.

The correction never came, so I turned away and left.

Did you take my advice?

Her grandmother advised her to use me so that she could keep her magic, and McColl did it. She made it sound like she was giving me a choice. Like we were discussing it and agreeing. Making a decision together out of mutual respect. Hell’s teeth, I didn’t even sleep with her for my powers. It was never like that for me, and I wrongly assumed she felt the same.

I grab the waterskin from the bedside table and stuff it into my pack with enough force to make the leather protest. I have enough supplies to get me back to the Nezcara Valley. Back where I belong.

At least I’ll have my powers. There is that. She gave me that much. I only wish she hadn’t pretended there was more. The way she looked at me, touched me, held me.

I fell for it all. The shy glances, the way she trembled when I touched her, the soft sounds she made when I was inside her. All of it carefully calculated to keep me invested. To make me believe that the connection between us was real.

Why?

Why lie like that?

Even now, even knowing the truth, my body still aches for her. My chest feels hollow and raw, like someone reached inside and carved out everything vital. I hate that I still want her. Hate that part of me is hoping this is all some terrible misunderstanding.

But there’s no misunderstanding the words I heard. No other way to interpret her silence. I’m not even going to give her a chance to explain, to lie to me some more. I don’t want to hear it. This thing has run its course, and now it’s time for me to leave.

To think I was going to ask her to come with me. She would have laughed in my face. At least I spared myself that agony.

I’m nearly finished packing when I hear footsteps on the stairs, quick and urgent. My jaw clenches as I recognize the sound of her approach. I wish I didn’t have to see her, to look into her eyes. It’s going to kill me.

The door bursts open, and McColl rushes in, her face flushed and her eyes wide with what looks like genuine distress. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost believe she was truly upset.

“What happened?” she gasps, looking around the room and taking in my packed bag, my coat already on. “Why did you leave without me? I thought…I… Beatrice – my grandmother’s carer – said you looked upset. Did my mother say something to offend you? What’s going on?” She touches the side of my arm. “Are you okay?” Her hazel eyes look into the very heart of me. All I want to do is break down and beg her to explain to me what happened.

I won’t.

I must be strong.

McColl will give me sugary words to make me feel better, but it won’t be real. None of it is real.

“Nothing is wrong,” I say, my voice carefully controlled as I continue to fold the few of my remaining items. “Your mother had to go soon after we made it to the living room. Nothinghappened. It’s been fun, McColl. I enjoyed myself immensely, but it’s time for me to go. I need to get back to my life, and you need to get back to yours. Oil and water, right?” I smile like I mean it. Like I don’t have a care in the world.

I see her face fall, see something that looks like genuine hurt flash across her features, but then she smiles, too. It’s wide and quite beautiful.

I hate how much she makes me feel. I hate how, even now, my heart speeds up just looking at her.

“I see.” Her voice is small. “Of course.” She gives a tiny shake of her head. “You’re absolutely right.” Her voice is back to normal. “I just thought… Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You have a war to plan. A realm to save and a kingdom to lead back to glory. Oil and water,” she repeats my words. They come out stilted, like she doesn’t quite believe them.

“Absolutely. I must be on my way. I’ve dallied for too long. I probably should have left yesterday.” I close my pack and sling it over my shoulder, then turn to face her properly. “Thank you for your help with the alliance. I hope things go well for you here. They should, now that you have access to your magic.” The last comes out a little clipped, but I smile again to soften the delivery.

She reaches out and takes my hand, her fingers cool against my skin. “Kian, I need you to know that the time I spent with you was the best of my life. It was everything to me.”

Her eyes start to fill with tears, and I watch as they gather on her lashes.

Lies.

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