Page 71 of A Bolt of Magic

“I’m so sorry she’s made you feel that way about yourself. There is more to a person than how much power they can wield.”

“Not according to my mother. She’s exacting,” she says carefully. “She’s always been hard on me. Harder than she was on my brothers.”

“How so?” I prompt gently.

“From the time I was old enough to understand what magic was, she made it clear that I was a disappointment.” McColl’s voice grows quieter. “She wanted a daughter who was powerful enough to sit on The Circle. Or, at the very least, who could be a Child of the Veil. One of the elite witches who serve in our army.”

“Let me guess; you need to be powerful to be a Child of the Veil?”

“Oh, yes. When she realized that I wasn’t good enough, she tried several times over to have another girl; that’s why I have three younger brothers.” McColl lets out a bitter laugh. “My only solace is that she’s just as disappointed in them as she is in me – for not being the right sex. I think she would have had morechildren, but she almost died after having my baby brother. The healer had to take her womb to stop the bleeding. She blamed me for everything. Got harder on me from that day. Her only daughter, and unable to do much more than light a candle at the best of times.”

I feel a surge of anger on her behalf. “That’s hardly your fault.”

“My mother sees it differently. She even blamed my poor father. She told him it was his bad blood running inside my veins.” I can see the old hurt in her eyes. “She used to say that I must have been cursed in the womb, that some dark magic had touched me and stolen away my birthright. She’d look at me sometimes like I was a stranger who’d wandered into her home by mistake.”

My hands clench into fists at my sides. “She had no right to make you feel that way.”

“Some people have a natural maternal instinct. My mother isnotone of those people. In fact, she’s the opposite. She’s cold and hard. She often said that a leader doesn’t have the luxury of emotion, of fun, of any kind of a life outside of their responsibilities. A leader has to rule with everything in them. I think she is just as hard on herself as on the rest of us.” Her eyes widen. “I never realized that until right now.”

“That’s a big insight. It doesn’t excuse her. You had to grow up without love.”

“That isn’t true. My father was the loving one. He always did his best to make up for my mother. He loved her fiercely despite all of her shortfalls in that department.” Her eyes grow hazy with the memories that must be flooding her mind. She gets a sad but loving smile.

“Was?”

McColl blinks back tears, sniffing softly. “He died a year before I was taken. A tragic fall.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“My grandmother has always been there for me, too. That’s my grandmother on my father’s side. My mother’s side of the family are all like her. No time for me or my brothers. I’ve learned to deal with it.”

Something tells me that isn’t true. McColl is harder on herself than most.

“I am ultimately a disappointment, but she didn’t have to rub it in at every turn. I’m nervous about seeing her again. I doubt she missed me much. Anyway, enough with all the negative talk and ‘woe is me’ stories.” McColl stands, brushing off her skirt with brisk movements. Her tone brightens, the way people do when they’re trying to convince themselves as much as others. “I may not be a Child of the Veil or Circle material, but I have other attributes to offer. I can teach. Let’s face it, I know more about magical theory than most practitioners ever bother to learn.” She smiles. “I can still do good within my coven.”

The forced optimism in her voice makes me feel sorry for her. She’s spent so long being told she wasn’t good enough that she’s internalized it, made peace with feeling lesser.

“As long as you know that to some of us, you are enough. You’re a selfless, kind person. I feel like my life is better for knowing you.” A lump forms in my throat, and I swallow it down. “Thank you for being you. Please, stay as wonderful as you are…magic or no magic. It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.”

She blinks a few times and sniffs, a smile gracing her beautiful face, which has filled out a little in the last few days. “That means a lot coming from you, Kian. You’re not one to mince your words. And I’m grateful for…for…your friendship.”

I swallow back everything I want to say. I clutch my hands behind my back so that I don’t reach for her. Tonight is ourlast night in the house, and then I am taking her to Witch Mountain…back to her coven.

“It’s been…liberating to feel useful. To feel powerful, even if it’s temporary. I have you to thank.”

“That’s not true. We have fate to thank. But fate gives, and fate takes away just as easily. That’s how we have to see it.”

“You’re right.” She smiles. “How about I give you another wielding lesson while you still have your power?”

I shake my head. “Nah, best I ignore it, so that I don’t get too used to it or attached. It’s not like I can use it once I leave the safety of the valley.”

“You are absolutely—”

The sound of someone approaching has us both turning.

Xander lifts a hand in a wave. “Am I interrupting?” he asks as he nears us.

“Not at all,” McColl says quickly. “We’re done testing our powers.”

---