Page 73 of A Bolt of Magic

“You’re right. I hate to say it, but…you are,” he says finally. “But I don’t like it.”

“I know.” My expression softens. “But it’s the right thing to do.”

We fall into a comfortable silence, both lost in our own thoughts as we watch some ducks playing on the water, creating patterns that shift and dance.

“Do you remember,” I smile, “that summer when we were thirteen? When you convinced me to sneak out of the castle and go fishing in the Silverbrook?”

Xander chokes out a laugh. “Your father was furious when the guards found us later that night, soaking wet and covered in mud, with no fish to speak of.”

“We caught nothing but weeds.” I laugh.

“Probably shouldn’t have brought that bottle of elderflower wine along with us.”

“It was a good thing we didn’t drown.”

We both laugh. The memory hangs between us. Those were simpler times, when our biggest concern was avoiding our tutors and finding new ways to get into trouble. Before crowns and responsibilities and the weight of entire kingdoms on our shoulders.

“We’ll get back there,” I say quietly. “To those times. To that peace.”

That’s why I have to do this.

“Will we?” Xander asks. “Even if we defeat Snow, even if we reclaim our thrones…can we ever go back to being who we were?”

I consider his words for a moment. “Maybe not exactly who we were. But we can build something new. Something better.”

“You sound so certain.”

“I have to be,” I say. “The alternative is unthinkable.”

Another stretch of silence falls between us, and I can feel him studying my profile.

“Kian,” he says carefully, “when you take McColl home tomorrow…are you sure you’ll be able to leave her there?”

“Of course,” I say quickly. Perhaps too quickly. “It’s where she belongs.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“It’s where she’ll be safe, Xander. It’s what she needs.”

“And what about what you need?”

“I need to fix this.” I gesture around us. “I am a king without a kingdom,” I say with a bitter laugh. “Every decision has to be about what’s best for my people, for the realm.”

“Even to your own detriment?”

I’m not sure if he’s talking about my leaving McColl or my walking into a coven of witches.

It doesn’t matter. “Even then.” I nod once.

The resignation in my voice seems to do the trick, and he nods in return.

In this moment, I envy him his relationship with Thesha. I think of the way his face lights up whenever she enters a room, of the partnership they’ve built together, the future they’re planning. I feel a sharp pang.

He’s lucky that his duty and his heart are aligned.

“For what it’s worth,” he says, “I think McColl cares about you, too.”

My smile is sad. “I know. That’s what makes this so difficult.”

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