Page 99 of A Bolt of Magic

Gods, how I want to. I want to push through that door and tell her how I feel, consequences be damned. I want to kiss her properly this time, to show her with my hands and mouth and body how much she means to me.

Instead, I whisper, “Good night.”

Then I force myself to walk away.

29

McColl

I close the bedroom door behind me and immediately start pacing across the polished wooden floor. I don’t want this night to end. I want to stop the clock. Tonight could be my last night with Kian. It could be the last chance we have to be together.

Tomorrow afternoon, Kian faces The Circle to plead his case. We have no idea how that will go. I have no doubt whatsoever that I won’t be permitted to attend. That I won’t be allowed anywhere near the Great Hall.

Which means Kian will be alone. Vulnerable. Without access to his magic and without my protection.

It may not go as planned. As accepting and welcoming as my mother is being now, I know that it could change in a heartbeat. She could turn nasty…vicious, even. I know what she’s capable of.

They could deny his request and ask him to leave immediately. Or worse, they could decide he’s too dangerous to let live.

The thought of losing him makes something twist in my chest.

I stop pacing and press my hands to my face, trying to calm my racing thoughts. But all I can think about is what my grandmother told me. Her words echo in my mind like a bell that won’t stop ringing.

There is a way for both of us to keep our magic, even when we’re apart. A way for Kian to face whatever comes tomorrow, and he’ll be able to do it with the full strength of his power. To face his fight against Snow with his full powers at hand.

I’ve been wrestling with this knowledge all evening, torn between what feels practical and what feels right. Because if I’m being honest with myself, my reasons for wanting to go through with this run so much deeper than just to keep our magic. Sure, I would love to keep my newfound access to my power. It’s what I’ve wanted my whole life. It’s not why I want to have this night with Kian. I want more, but I will settle for this.

I can’t deny it anymore; I’m falling in love with Kian. Falling harder with each day that passes. Tonight showed me that clearer than ever.

Kian.

The way he makes me feel powerful and worthy and…wanted. Not for what I can do or what family I come from, but just for being me.

He sees me and understands me like no one else does.

I keep thinking that if I don’t seize this last night with him, I’ll regret it. If I don’t at least tell him what my grandmother told me, I’ll be betraying him somehow.

I make the decision right there and then to tell him. To do it now. I need to be clever about how I position it.

He can’t know my true feelings for him. It would complicate things. It will only make things harder when he leaves.

As always, the same thought enters my mind, namely that there is no future for a fae king and a witch. Nothing has changed.

No, if we’re going to do this, it has to be for practical reasons. A strategic decision that benefits us both.

For me, this is my chance to finally be the witch I always dreamed of being. To matter. To make a difference.

For him, as one of the kings, it’s even more important.

Before I can lose my nerve, I stride to the door and yank it open. A few short steps and I’m standing in front of his door, my hand raised to knock.

I can do this.

My heart thumps wildly as I rap softly on the wood.

“Come in,” his voice calls, and I push the door open.

I’m surprised to find him still fully dressed, standing by the window with his back to me. He turns when I enter, and I can see the tension in his shoulders, the way his jaw is set.

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