Page 85 of Axel

As unorthodox as he may be in the bedroom, he takes confessions, vows, and prayers seriously.

I’ve kept this damning secret for so long, and he’s my blood; he can sense it. It’s been a lonely hell, suffering in silence, unable to tell anyone. Even Alena and I rarely speak of it.

I nod to my right, and he joins me in the park by a historic church. Seems a fitting location for this confession.

Once no one’s in earshot, Sire guesses, “Who was she? Because you’d never cheat, so if you love Ruby, it’s no one now. It’s someone in your past because it’s usually a woman who rights or wrongs a man’s world, so who? Who did you get pregnant?”

“God, you’reobsessedwith breeding.”

“Don’t mock me.” We stand, eye-to-eye, and Sire’s deadly serious. “We’re not talking about kinks and games. You know what heirs mean in our world. You know the blood that binds us, so is that it? You have a child with a woman we don’t know about?”

“No,” I sigh. “Thank god, no, there’s no child. Though … she’ll be a great mother one day.”

Sire steps back like he can sense it, like he knows this is my greatest sin. “Who?”

“Don’t hate me.”

“Who?”

“Sheaskedme.”

“Who? Wren? Delphine? Who thefuckdid you fuck?”

My throat tightens. I almost can’t say it.

I’ll never forget that night. It was tender and sweet, but itwas forever ago, so why does it feel like a curse that will damn me forever? Why do I wish I could take it back, but never would?

Alena needed me. She asked for me. I stopped her tears, and we shared something special, but like a rainbow, it faded in minutes. It was never meant to last.

Why can’t people believe you can be with someone but not belong with them?

Alena belongs with Loch. I belong with Ruby. We know when we find our soulmate.

“Who, Aleksi?” Sire, born Sergei, lowers his voice, using my birth name, conjuring our past and pain, our bond that can’t be broken. “Please, God, tell me who, brother, and I promise I will forgive you.”

“Alena.”

I say it and let the chips fall like Sire’s jaw.

“She was twenty-one,” I explain, “and she askedmeto be her first. She felt ugly, like no one loved her, and she was crying. I couldn’t let her feel that way and…”

I can’t read Sire’s eyes. They’re as blue as mine and as piercing and murderous.

“Alena didn’t love me,” I assure him, “and I didn’t love her. Not like I’m falling for Ruby or how you love Wren. It was different and?—”

“And Nash is going to fucking kill you.” He shakes his head.

“And I’ll let him.”

Sire seethes, “And I won’t let him, and that’s the problem, and you know it. This is going to tear us apart.” He clenches his teeth. “Does Loch know?”

“Only me, Alena, and now you know. That’s it, and the guilt has been making me sick for years, but I don’t regret it. How is that possible?”

He looks away, his stare trapped by the church spire. “Sometimes, we make deals with devils. Sometimes, we make deals with angels. And both are impossible bonds to explain.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He turns back to me. “Just that I get it. I get how we do something for someone else with the best intentions, but the worst outcomes.”

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