Page 25 of Rancher's Strength

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” she said softly.

“I know, but I need to, and you deserve to have the entire story.” I rolled over to face her but didn’t let go of her hand. If I was going to get through this, I would need an anchor.

“Where did you go?” Lexie asked, her question filled with concern. In the dark, I felt safe talking to her, with only the light from the moon illuminating the room.

“To the old winter cabin, which burned down a bit ago,” I added, trying to lighten the mood.

“Why are you guys having so much trouble?”

“It’s a long story, one we can save that for another bedtime.” She nodded, and I continued. “I didn’t realize how many days I’d been gone. One turned into another, and to be honest, I was drunk or passed out for most of them. When the alcohol ran out, the memories flooded back, missing you became unbearable, and I found myself on the back of my horse, riding to the lake. In my mind, I thought if I went there, you might feel me andcome too.” She squeezed my hand tighter, a tear slipping down her cheek.

“I sat there all night, not caring that I was cold or hungry. I just wanted the hurt to end. For hours, I sat there with my rifle. First, it was just out of reach, then I moved it to my side, then I laid it across my lap, and then I picked it up.” I didn’t want to talk anymore, but this wasn’t where I needed to stop.

“That’s when Kipp rode up. He grabbed the gun and flung it as far as he could into the lake. He didn’t say a word; he just stood me up and helped me get back on Doc. We rode all the way back to the main house in silence. Step for step, Kipp was at my side, never taking his eyes off me.” I’d told this story to my therapist and didn’t feel any emotion, but tonight, a tear dripped from the corner of my eye and ran across my nose.

“When we got back, they warmed me up, got some food into me, and kept a twenty-four-hour rotating watch on me for a month. Once they decided I wasn’t a harm to myself, they let me sleep alone, but someone was with me all day, working me to exhaustion.” My bones still ached from those days when I worked so hard.

“Julie found me a therapist that would come to the ranch. I’m pretty sure she paid a pretty penny to do it. The first few times she was out, all we did was sit in silence. I didn’t know what to say or if I wanted to say anything. But gradually, she’d gained my trust, and we talked about everything from being an unwanted kid to the divorce to the lake.” My mouth was dry from all the talking, and I wondered if this was a place where we could stop for the night, but a nagging feeling told me I needed to keep going.

“Those sessions, and the ones since, have taught me a lot about myself. I’ve realized the pressure I put on both of us to have a perfect life and family, trying to compensate for the one I didn’t have growing up. I owe you an apology because I knowI didn’t make you feel like you were enough. But you were. Oh god, Lex, you were more than enough. You were my everything. I wish I could start over or take it back, but all I can do is tell you I’m sorry—for everything.” My voice cracked, and Lexie moved into my arms.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she whispered, holding onto me tightly. I don’t know how long we stayed wrapped up in one another, but eventually, we let go and returned to our own sides of the bed—which wasn’t what I wanted, but I needed to respect her boundaries.

Chapter Thirteen

LEXIE

Something beneath me was breathing. Arms were wrapped around me, fingers fluttering over my shoulder, and my leg rested against something hard. Oh. My. God. My eyes flew open, and sure enough, my body was flung over Ryder. Oh. My. God.

I used to wake up like this every morning when we were married. It usually led to a lazy love-making session, and the familiar wanting tingled between my legs where I was pressed tightly against him.

“Good morning.” His sleepy, husky, intoxicating voice shot straight to the spot I was trying to ignore. “It’s been a while since I woke up like this.”

“Can you let go of me?”

“Sweetheart, you’re the one that rolled over on top of me about six seconds after you fell asleep, so this is on you.” The rumble in his chest as he spoke was not helping my situation. The fact that I hadn’t slept this well in years also irritated me. One night in the same bed as this man and I slept like I didn’t have a care in the world.

“Auntie Lex?” Sawyer called from the hallway.

“In here,” Ryder replied.

“He called for me, not you, ya big oaf,” I said as I pushed myself up, putting pressure on his cock, and my pussy. Rolling off him, I sat up, leaned against the puffy white headboard and fluffed the blankets around me, my face on fire. Sawyer ran into the room and launched himself onto the bed.

“How was your sleep?” Ryder asked as Sawyer settled into the narrow space between us, wiggling until he was stuck behind our shoulders.

“Good. Do you think we can go to Cooper’s today? He said we’re in the same grade and that we get to be in the same class.” Sawyer sounded excited, and my heart flipped at the sound.

“I’ll call Kipp in a while and see if you can go over.” Ryder nodded. If there was one thing I knew about Kipp Miller, it was that no matter how mad he was at Ryder or me, he wouldn’t take it out on the kids.

“Good morning.” Ruby walked into the room, rubbing her eyes as she climbed onto the bed.

This was my family now, for however long it needed to be. Glancing over at Ryder, I noticed his eyes were locked on me as the kids fidgeted and started to fight. “I think it’s breakfast time.” He laughed as Sawyer rolled over him to get off the bed. Ryder quickly got out of bed and moved down the hall with the kids following behind.

As soon as I reached the kitchen doorway, he looked up and asked, “How long can you be away from the law office?” He grabbed the frying pan from the cupboard, spinning it in his massive palm, making the kids giggle.

“Well, I took bereavement leave and explained the situation to the partners, but I don’t know if I want to go back.” Leaning against the counter, I crossed my arms and glanced into the living room, where the kids were watching television.

Ryder froze and turned to look at me. “Why? Your career has always been important to you. Why are you willing to give it up?”

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