Page 39 of Rancher's Strength

“Well, I didn’t expect that, but good for her,” Elle said, smiling at me.

Music blared from inside the bar, and I wondered if this was a mistake, maybe we should have just stayed home. Nora pulled the door open, and we all walked in, heading straight for their table. “I’m going to check in with Lydia, I’ll be there in a sec,” I called out as I split off from the girls.

“Hey Lex, what can I get you?” Lydia asked.

“Dr. Pepper and a bag of chips,” I called down to her. She frowned as she let go of the beer tap and slid the glass of beerdown the bar. As if she’d suddenly figured it out, she slapped her hand on the bar and looked at me wide-eyed.

“Get your ass to the office. I’ll be right there.” She glanced down the bar, and I followed her gaze to where Faith sat. Lydia held up a finger, indicating she’d be gone for a minute, and Faith nodded.

“You didn’t even make it three weeks,” she said as she let the door close behind her.

“How long have you and Faith been a thing?”

“We’re not a thing, and we’re talking about you and your ex-husband, husband.”

“Faith’s been here for two weeks. Was she your date the other night?”

“You first.”

“Fine. After I left here the other night, he was waiting on the porch for me.”

“Oh god, did you have porch sex? I’ll have to use the back door from now on. I won’t be able to look at the porch again without thinking of that.” She gagged, and I grabbed the pen that was on the desk and threw it at her.

“We did, and I’ll make sure the back door is locked so you have to use the front door.” I stuck my tongue out at her, and she gagged. “Faith? Spill it.”

“It just kind of happened. I came to the office looking for you, and she was there. And there were vibes, you know.” Lydia shrugged. “So I asked if she’d like to hang out, and, well, we hung out for the rest of the weekend and every night since.”

“You’re why she keeps turning me down to come to the house for supper.” I pointed at my sister and watched the red hue creep up her neck and over her cheeks. “This is good, Lyds,” I almost squealed as I clapped.

“Back to you, how was it?”

“Perfect. The same. New.” I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

“Why do you look sad?”

“The end doesn’t change.” I shrugged. “I can’t give him what he wants most.”

“Why are you the only one that can’t see the only thing he wants is you? Fine, you can’t give him kids that exit your body. But you have two kids now, and through very bad circumstances, you’ve given them to him. Anita was your friend, you four were friends because of you. Would you please stop selling yourself short because you can’t eject a kid?” She got up from her chair and walked in front of me. Lydia took my face in her hands and made me look at her. “Stop blaming yourself.”

Was my sister right? Of course, she was, but I wasn’t going to admit that. I had brought these two kids into Ryder’s life, and he was the perfect fill-in dad, just like I knew he would be. But was it enough to prove to myself that I was a woman?

“I kind of want to go stare at a girl, so if we can wrap this up, I’d be really happy.”

“Lyds, thanks.” I wrapped my arms around her.

“I wish it was me instead of you.” She whispered in my ear. It was something she’d told me over and over. She’d known all her life she didn’t want to carry a child and would say nature had messed things up. My nose stung like it always did when she said it, and I held her tighter.

We walked out of her office just as the band finished a song. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have the opportunity to have a revival of L&L, the Fencepost’s most requested duo.” I stopped in my tracks and looked at Lydia. Dad used to make us perform once a month so he didn’t have to pay for a band. When I left for school, I put it behind me and tried to forget those years.

I shook my head and started to walk back to the table where the girls were, but the chant began from the back of theroom: L&L, L&L, L&L. Looking through the haze, I saw Ryder, Nash, Kipp, Griff, and Linc standing on their chairs, leading the request. Glancing at Lydia, she shrugged.

“I will if you will.” She smiled, but I couldn’t say no to her. Marching up on the stage, I grabbed the mic from Weston.

“Fine, but the fuckers from the Diamond better get their asses up here and back us up.” I stared out at the five fools still standing on their chairs, who had frozen mid-cheer. “Come on, boys. We might as well make it a worthwhile show tonight.” I watched as the girls at the table egged their men on, and they reluctantly made their way to the stage.

The band handed over their instruments, and we all huddled in a group.

“What are we doing?” I whispered.

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