Page 57 of Rancher's Strength

“Mr. Saffort,” the woman spoke and smiled at me, my disheveled clothing not making her flinch. Let’s talk.” I followed her into an office, and she pointed at a chair before she grabbed her pen and notepad. I stood and waited for her to take her seat. I might be in a spiral, but I was a gentleman.

“Start whenever and wherever you want,” she said softly. I hesitated for a moment, and then the last two months flowed from me. Even though I’d been talking to my regular therapist, I felt like I needed to get it all off my chest again. Bottling things up wasn’t going to make things easier, and this story seemed like it needed the full explanation. The social worker didn’t say anything; she just let me talk.

“Everything was perfect last night,” I said quietly. “She was home. Finally home—with me. She told me she loved me while we were looking for the kids. And then this.” I paused, jaw tight. “Why is it that disaster happens when everything seems to have fallen into place?”

I ran my hands through my hair and stood, staring out the window. We were high up—no one could see in—but I stared out at the mountains anyway, needing the distance. “I keep wondering if we have a future. If she’s really going to be okay.”

The woman’s voice was calm. “Earlier, you mentioned an all-consuming darkness. How does the darkness feel now?”

“Less than when I walked in,” I said with a nervous chuckle.

She nodded, scribbling something down before glancing back up at me. “My suggestion? Talk to your regular therapist more often—maybe even twice a week— until this darkness dissipates. And I hope it does, once life calms down for you.”

She paused, meeting my eyes. “Your family is very lucky, Ryder. You’re willing to do the work it takes to make you the man you want to be for them. That’s commendable and not an easy step for most men.”

I’d never thought of asking for help three years ago as something commendable, but I’d seen too many men ignore their mental health to the detriment of themselves and their families. I had a family now. I had so much to live for7. And if talking to someone was what it took to hold onto that, I’d do it for the rest of my life.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I almost forgot why I’d been there. “I hate to bolt, and please don’t take it personally, but my wife’s awake.” We both stood and shook hands just before I rushed out of her office. It was only then that I realized I’d missed six texts from Lydia. I was shocked she hadn’t tracked me down, to be honest.

Running through the hallway, I dodged people and pushed open the set of double doors with such force that they bounced off the door stoppers. Of course, her room was at the end of the hall. I didn’t think running would be appreciated, but my long strides cleared the distance in no time. I opened the door to her room and stood there, looking at my wife’s dark brown eyes staring back at me.

“Where have you been?” Lydia demanded. “We’ve been trying to reach you for half an hour.”

“Lydia, leave him alone. He never left my side.” Her voice was soft, and she sounded exhausted.

“Lexie, you can’t be serious. He’s been gone.”

“Lydia, I’m warning you I will get out of this bed and kick your ass into the middle of next week if you don’t drop this.” She’d basically ripped her eyes from me and glared at her sister. “Actually, everyone out, I need to talk to Ryder,” Lexie demanded. Lydia’s mouth gaped open like a fish, and Helen grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the room.

“You were talking to someone.” It wasn’t a question. She knew exactly what I needed to do.

“Yeah.” I nodded before taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

“And did it help?” She brushed her fingers over my hand. The intravenous tubing was looped over her hand, and there was Betadine on her chin, likely from them having to deal with her shoulder. Lexie looked exhausted, even though she’d had what would likely have been a great sleep, and she was worried about me.

“It did. I wasn’t sure about talking to someone new, but yeah, it was good.”

“I’m glad.” Her smile told me all I needed to hear.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” I leaned over her gently and brushed my lips across hers. She reached up and cupped my cheek.

“Never say that to me again when you’re healing yourself. I don’t need you backsliding into darkness,. I need you strong by my side, and if that means you have to take off and talk to someone, you better damn well do it, Ryder Saffort. You’re no good to me and the kids if your demons win.” She had no idea how much I needed to hear these words from her. Lexie validating my feelings made any regrets I had about not being here vanish.

“I love you… more than you’ll ever know.” Lifting her hand, I turned it over and kissed her palm.

“I love you husband.” She smiled a sleepy smile and fought to keep her eyes open with every blink. “Are the kids here?”

“No, when all hell broke loose, Kipp called Phil, and he went to get all the kids. They’re at Julie and Phil’s now. I think Gwen and Wes were planning to pick them up and take them to the farm. All the grandmas figured it would be better for them to sleep in their own beds tonight.” I chuckled and leaned back in the chair. “Your mom said she’d go stay the night with them. I think she’s looking forward to being back in her house for a few nights.”

Lexie’s eyes flew open. “She can’t stay in our room, Ryder. We’ve done things in there.”

“Is this the drugs?” I asked as I looked at Lexie, whose eyes were looking a little hazy. “Because I’m sure she and your dad did things in there first.”

“We have to burn the house down and start over. That’s all there is to it.” She was so serious as she shook her head.

“Look, I love you, sweetheart, but I think you need to quit fighting sleep.”

“What are you a doctor now?” Her attitude was cute, but from experience, when she was overtired, this is what happened.

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