Page 66 of Forged in Secrets

Better yet, a ransom demand meant that her captors needed her alive. Her odds of survival were good, even if they were on their way to Mexico by now.

Grace got up and walked over to the small round window again, squinting into the distance in an attempt to see if they were on the inside of the barrier island or out in the Gulf. At the moment, all she could see was the endless ocean, but perhaps they were facing the other direction, leaving the island on the other side of the boat, hidden from view.

“I forgot, there’s more good news,” she said out loud to herself, refusing to allow her voice to shake. “Katie is alive. Maybe she’s even onboard.”

Despite her efforts to look on the bright side, she couldn’t shake the fear of the unknown that gripped her. More than anything, she wished that she could go back to that morning and choose to control her emotions. However legitimate her reasons had been, her anger toward Ben felt utterly foolish in hindsight.

She looked out at the water as it rushed gently against the side of the boat, carrying her toward an unseen destination.

She’d give anything to have him beside her right now.

She wouldn’t care if he kissed her, or even if he heldher hand. Just his presence had always been enough to make her feel like everything was going to be okay. When had that changed?

When had she begun to feel this urgent need for more?

She walked back over to the bed and lay down, tucking a pillow under her neck in an attempt to get comfortable. Despite her long blackout, she felt utterly exhausted.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she must have.

Some time later, she awoke, her eyes opening to find only darkness.

The terror clutched at her chest instantly, and she struggled to take deep breaths. In her mind, she knew where she was, and why it was so dark, but the panic attack she was experiencing was impervious to reason.

She tried to get to her feet, hoping that there would be moonlight if she could reach the porthole, but before she could make it even a few steps, she felt her head beginning to swim.

She sank to the floor, barely noticing how close she came to smacking her head off the edge of the desk. The tightening in her chest was stronger now, demanding all of her, dragging her down within herself where her deepest fears lived.

She felt her breaths coming faster, and she could hear their desperate sound.

Curling her knees against her chest, she pushed herself back against the wall, grounded by the pressure of the firm wood against her spine.

Not now, not now, not now.

Please, God, I need to be able to think straight.

No matter how hard she tried to remain focused on the reality of the present, she found herself back in Indonesia,back beneath the rubble, the taste of dust clinging to her tongue.

Her parents hadn’t wanted her to go.

Grace swallowed hard, remembering their warnings about being an outspoken Christian in a Muslim-majority country. She’d heard them out, but in the end, she’d been committed to teaching English, and the agency had assured them all that Jakarta was a safe place for tourists.

For three months, everything had been perfect.

She loved the warm, bustling city, and the feeling of being on a grand adventure thousands of miles from home. She’d even begun to make progress in carefully sharing Christ’s love with her Muslim students, despite the country’s disapproval of evangelism and their blasphemy laws.

Grace closed her eyes tight against the shadows. She was breathing a little slower now, turning over the past events in her mind. She would give anything to go back in time, to make different choices.

She was crying now, tears spilling onto her cheeks as she sat there in the uncaring darkness. She didn’t bother to wipe them off.

Only God was there to see her, and He felt very far away.

She couldn’t go back, not ever, and the guilt ate her alive.

Grace knew how the story ended. And that ending would always be the same.

BEN

The moon shone down on the black water, casting a blue glow across the rippling surface. Even at nearly three inthe morning, the beach was still busy, with easily a thousand bodies crowding around a DJ as he blared loud dance music from his raised platform.

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