Page 51 of Forged in Deception

Long moments passed as she considered his words, turning them over and over in her mind.

“There was a time in my life when I would have considered that idea to be false. Maybe even stupid,” she admitted.

“But?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to form the right words.

These questions were not entirely new to her. She’d pondered them before, many times, but somehow, she always felt like a traitor, as though acknowledging the inherent mystery of the universe meant she was ready to throw her lifelong love of scientific truth away.

But she couldn’t deny that her opinions had changed over the years, even if she hadn’t reached a full conclusion yet as to what she believed.

“I used to think about these questions in purely material terms,” she said, gesturing toward the sunrise, as though the glorious beauty could speak up and help her explain. “I thought of love as taking place in the brain. Just hormones, chemicals, neurons, and the rest. I thought beauty was the same.”

Axel nodded. “There’s truth to that, obviously. I just don’t think that’s where it ends. I think that beauty and love exist not only outside of us, but outside of what we can measure. At the end of the day, I think that theistic faith makes sense of things that science can’t really touch.”

“I’ve– I’ve had the same thought,” she admitted. “I’m so used to looking for rational explanations for everything, but sometimes, I think we need to take our own experiences of the world into account. And my experience of the world tells me that there might be more to life than subatomic particles.”

Her words hung in the air for what felt like a very long time.

It was the closest she’d ever come to admitting out loud that God could possibly be real. Actually, it was probably the closest she’d come to admitting as much even within the privacy of her own thoughts.

“Well,” Axel said at last, finally looking over at her with a smile as he broke the silence between them. “I’m glad you don’t think I’m stupid.”

She laughed. Once again, she found herself realizing just how safe she felt around him. He knew how to press every button she had, but on the other hand, he also knew when to simply listen. It was a rare gift, and one she found herself extremely thankful for.

“You’re shaking, you know,” he said.

At that moment, she realized he was right. She’d pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over her ponytail and the sleeves as far over her fingers as they would go, but she was still extremely cold.

“You must be freezing, too,” she retorted. Having given her his hoodie, he was now wearing only a long-sleeved t-shirt.

“Nah. Nice and warm. I’m a man,” he said. “We wear shorts in January.”

“Whatever you say,” she said, shaking her head as she tried to pull the hoodie more tightly around herself.

“Seriously, I’ll prove it,” he said. His teasing smile had reached the corners of his eyes. “Come here.”

Before she had the chance to get away from him or even to argue, he’d pulled her in close, wrapping his arms around her.

He was warm all right, warm enough for his body heat to mingle with what remained of her own, but she hardly noticed. Her heart was beating so loudly that she feared he would hear it.

He’d hugged her at the hospital, but this was different.

She forced herself to breathe in and out slowly, trying to let herself relax, but her mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour as she considered what this meant.

Axel made no jokes and offered no flirty comments.

There was a seriousness to the way he touched her now, holding on to her like she was a precious treasure for him to protect.

But then again, maybe she was reading too much into it. Perhaps he really was just trying to be a gentleman and keep her warm. He’d be flying home to San Antonio soon enough, and she’d probably never see him again.

She should be pulling away, not letting herself rest in his arms.

And yet, despite everything she knew and the kind of person she thought she was, she wanted to dream.

She wanted to believe so badly that this could be something real. That there might be objective beauty in sunrises, and true love, and a God who made both.

Just then, she felt her phone vibrating.

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