“There’s always a solution. You just have to find it,” she said aloud.
One of her favorite professors from grad school always used to say that. He’d even added it to his email signature.
At first, she’d found the message to be corny, but over time, she’d learned to appreciate it. For the rest of her time at school, and afterwards at Senera, it had gotten her through many seemingly impossible projects. This one was no different.
She was smart. She could rely on herself, just as she always had.
She closed her eyes as another crash of thunder shook the cabin.
It was the biggest one yet, loud enough to leave a ringing in her ears. She curled her arms around her sides, trying and failing to ignore the pervasive chill that had taken hold of her bones.
She wanted to believe there was always a way forward, but in truth, she had never felt so helpless.
Maybe she couldn’t always rely on herself.
Maybe that had always been a lie.
Before Axel came along, her world had been painfully, desperately lonely.
John needed her, but he wasn’t capable of giving her the support she needed in return. Her parents were off in Florida, enjoying their retirement without a care in the world. Her childhood friends in Michigan had probably all forgotten she existed by now.
And whenever a colleague or anyone else had made even the slightest attempt at trying to get close to her, she’d always kept them at arm’s length.
Because at least when she was alone, the only person who could fail her was herself.
ASHER
Asher pressed his hand to the rock behind him, forcing himself to notice the little details.
It was cold against his palm. Most of the surface was smooth, but near his pinky, he could feel a bit of grittiness that tugged at his skin despite the damp.
He was able to take a deep breath, and then another.
Okay, what else?
He closed his eyes as another flash of lightning lit the sky. He had to ignore the thunder. He had to focus on the rock.
He moved his hand up higher, noticing the way the formation grew steeper as it reached upward. It was huge, taller than him. It was solid and unyielding. When the thunder struck, it didn’t shake.
He was okay.
He breathed again.
He could feel his heart slowing down as the panic attack abated.
He’d always thought the whole thing with touching the ground or feeling your abdomen expand in and out was dump therapy talk, but maybe the Veteran’s Freedom Society had a point on this one.
Maybe.
Not that it was enough to do anything but push the pain aside temporarily.
No amount of grounding exercises or deep breathing or talking it out would bring Nico Delgado back.
He was dead in the ground, bombed to pieces at twenty years old, and it was all Asher’s fault.
Lightning crashed again.
He couldn’t afford to get lost in the shadows of his past.