Page 112 of Quasim III: King Inferno

She never made me feel less than, either.

I was ashamed, and the shit caused me to shut down. If that wasn’t enough, I got word that Polo was in Miami, doing it big. He was heavy on the race scene down there, and his name was making waves.

The nigga was moving like he shouldn’t have been scared. Like he defeated us and got to do whatever he wanted without any consequences. Hearing niggas mumbling about him killing King Inferno made my blood boil.

The nigga had done too much, and he was still walking around. It was my decision for everyone to fall back, still, it didn’t make it easier. All it did was make me feel like a failure because that nigga had one up on me.

All of that played a part in shit, and I can admit I ain’t been the best to be around. I wasn’t the best husband or father, and I felt like shit because of it.

It was easier to believe my wife would stick around through sickness and health, and she had. Blair showed up in ways I didn’t even know I needed. That didn’t mean she signed up to be ignored. She didn’t vow to feel unseen in a marriage that was supposed to be her safe space. I couldn’t front, I hadn’t been that for her lately.

I didn’t want her to suffer.

Somewhere between healing and holding on, I forgot about her, and I fucked up. Nobody handed you a handbook when you got married, giving you the rules on how things were supposed to work.

The problems you wrestled with before saying I do didn’t disappear. They were just louder once the vows were made. I thought I was better. Thought I was healing, but marriage had a way of revealing what you thought you buried.

I had been blessed with so much and I was still carrying pieces of a bruised, unfinished Quasim. Still holding onto pain that I should have let go.

Pyro rubbed against me as I put out my spliff and went back into the house. I put her new and improved food that Anjo put her on, down and she wasted no time digging in. Menace had offered us his shore house and I turned it down.

I appreciated his help, but I was a man and the man of my household. If I couldn’t provide shelter for my wife and son, then what good was I? I found a spot on the beach not too far from his big ass shore house.

Elijah was in private school and life should have been good for us. Except, we found ourselves in this weird spot in our marriage, and I wanted to fix that shit.

“Yeah, you need fucking therapy because you can’t be this damn stupid.” I heard the door chime at the same time as my brother’s voice.

I remained at the counter and waited for him to round the corner. Soon as he rounded the corner, he had a plaid shopping bag in his hand. “Blaze, I’m not in the mood…. I’m tired.”

The usual three hours of sleep that I got at night was reduced to none. With Blair and Elijah gone, I couldn’t rest my eyes. She was at Augusta Mae’s cottage and already told me she wasn’t coming home.

“Imagine how tired we are,” he looked off, as if he was looking at an imaginary camera, then turned back to me. “Why the fuck did your wife leave you and move out? Let me rephrase that… your pregnant wife.”

Blaze sat the bag down, and I went through it, knowing Gams sent us some food. “She left.”

“You know I was shot too, right?”

Something inside of me broke. “You didn’t fucking code twice!”

Even with me raising my voice, Blaze looked at me. “This what we doing? Comparing war stories now? Your shit is more important because you was being dramatic and decided to die twice?”

I snickered and shook my head. “Not comparing.”

“Do you want to lose her? Fuck anything else I prepared to say… do you want to fucking lose Blair?”

I looked over at him. “You know that I don’t.”

“Then get the fuck out of your head. You gonna ruin a good thing because you can’t put your pride to the side and let your woman in… cry to her. I fucking cried in my wife’s lap when we thought you weren’t going to make it. Shedding tears with your wife doesn’t make you less of a man. I know Pops wasn’t the mostshed tearstype of nigga, but at some point, we have to evolve… we have to show our kids different. The shit is hard letting somebody in after shutting people out, but you gonna lose your wife, Stupid.”

I raised my eyebrow as I unraveled a cookie that Gam sent, and he snatched it from me. “The fuck is with you?”

“That is my cookie… didn’t eat it because I had to drive up here to tell a grown man to stop being stupid.”

I snatched the freshly rolled spliff from behind his ear and tucked it behind mine. “She looks at me like I’m gonna fucking break… not like she used to. I’m the weak nigga, the one thatcan’t get it up to fuck her or stand up too fast without being dizzy.”

“You wanna know the one time you let you guard down and showed me you were struggling?”

“When?”

---