Page 116 of Quasim III: King Inferno

“You can’t go out the country… you too far along.” I called behind her.

“Israel, go to hell… I spoke with the doctor, and she said it was perfectly safe, especially since I’m flying private.”

“Thrive there, baby… thrive there.”

She looked at me and shook her head. “You shouldn’t when you have a family… I’ll pray for you.”

“The fuck? Anjo, don’t try and throw that pra…” my words trailed when she closed the door behind her, and went back inside.

I waited around for our doctor appointment and even beat her there. She came ten minutes late and our doctor in Ashbourne was all chummy, meanwhile she didn’t have three words to give me. Where was the props for the father being present and on time.

Mrs. Late waddler got all the props when she came up in here and gave me a dirty look. I tried to help her up on the table, and she refused my help. The doctors did her scans and everything about my angel was perfect.

As dark as shit had been for me, she was the light I was waiting for. I couldn’t wait to see her come into this world and hold her. Promise to always protect her and never let her down. The doctor stuck around for an extra ten minutes to talk about Anjo’s upcoming trip. She made her promise she would get lots of rest and come home if she wasn’t feeling good.

She leaned up with her pants still below her stomach. I reached and palmed her stomach, kissing it and laying my head on it. “Daddy misses you.”

“Daddy is full of shit,” she muttered.

I ignored it, because I wanted to ask her something, and didn’t want to give her a reason to say no. “Can we talk, baby?”

“We’re talking now, Quasim.”

“Simmy.” I corrected.

“Quasim.”

I kissed on her stomach a few more times before I leaned up and stretched. “Blair.”

She wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “Yes.”

“Please.”

She sighed. “I have to pick up my suitcase anyway, so I can follow you back to the house.”

I held my hand out to help her, and she took it. She picked up some papers that she needed our doula to sign. This appointment wasn’t even a complete scan, it was more so to check on the baby. Since she was bleeding, and how small she was measuring at the start of her pregnancy, our doctor always wanted to give checks to see how big our daughter was measuring.

As we turned into the driveway, I killed the engine and got out to help her out the car. She didn’t accept my help, and didn’t remove her purse from the passenger seat.

Recommendation: Listen to Don’t Ever Change by Total

Which told me she wasn’t staying long. Soon as she entered the house, she gave Pyro head scratches and then went straight to the bedroom. As she hummed softly in the closet, I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for her to reenter the room.

My elbows rested on my knees, head hanging low like I was about to break if she left this house. “The problems I had before we got married… thought I had a handle on them, Anjo. Thought I was good.”

She didn’t say anything from the closet, but the humming stopped. I heard more shuffling before she finally appeared in the doorway. “Marriage didn’t heal me, my love. I thought it would have… it just turned the volume up on everything that I never dealt with.”

When I looked up, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes were red, as I choked on my words slightly.

Blair still gave me her silence as she stared at me from across the room, not giving me anything. Truthfully, I deserved that shit. I deserved for her to act the way she was with me.

“I don’t want to lose you, my love… I cannot lose you, baby. You make my life complete. Shit hasn’t been fair, and I apologize to you. I took my darkness out on you, and all you were trying to do was be the light… I’m not a perfect man, Anjo, but I’m a trying man. A man that can recognize his own bullshit and fix it.”

I could hear the slow breath that she let out, the kind that she had been carrying with her for some time. “Never needed you to be perfect, Quasim. I knew you weren’t perfect when I met you. Recognized the same darkness that I carried with me.”

“I know, baby.”

“I asked you to let me in… needed you to let me in. To stop acting like loving you was something that I had to earn.” She came closer to me, but not to be in my arms. “I knew you were healing, as was I. I knew there were wounds that needed to be healed, because I had my own. What I didn’t sign up for was to be shut out. You don’t have to always be strong for me… I want to be your strength when you need it. Doesn’t make me look at you any other way.”

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