He continued to stand in the doorway, and I used the makeup wipe to remove the rest of the makeup the shower didn’t remove. “She’s one of my clients that used to attend the studio. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, and she wanted to make a girl’s night because of everything I’ve been going through with the cancer.”

“Fuck all that cancer talk… always pulling that out when you guilty.”

I snorted in disbelief. “I’m not pulling the sick card; I am actually sick. I know you don’t give a fuck, but this is my life, and I have to deal with this. My friend wanted to do something nice, and I’m glad she did.”

“What’s her name and address then?”

I wasn’t giving him her name or address because Alaia had gone through enough. As much as I knew the punishment for not giving him the information he wanted would be brutal, I didn’t care.

Aside from Augusta Mae, nobody had ever protected me. “Kimmy, and she lives in Long Island.”

My eyes blurred when I felt the stinging in the back of my head. “Bitch, do I look stupid… you don’t know any bitch name Kimmy and you damn sure wasn’t out in Long Island.”

“I…I did… I ran into Capri, and we ended up chatting for hours. It’s the reason I got here so late,” I continued, knowing that the drive back was what took so long.

His hand loosened and he laughed. “That bitch.”

Tyshawn hated Capri, and I think it was because he couldn’t have her. It was easy for him to have Brandi, but to have Capri was like someone winning the lottery. It took that special person, luck, and all the winning warriors on your side.

Tookie had none of that. “What has she ever done to you?”

“That bitch always was fly out the mouth, acting like her shit didn’t stink.” He was thinking about it, and I could tell that it was pissing him off all over again.

“I’m glad she entered back in my lif?—”

The words never got to come out my mouth because he snatched me up and pulled me back toward the shower. Turning the shower on, he grabbed the nozzle that was hooked up to the main showerhead, and ran it over my face, as he held me backwards, waterboarding me.

It was hard to catch my breath because the pressure was so high. “Where the fuck were you?”

“Arghhh, with…arguhh… my friend!” I screamed, wishing somebody wouldn’t mind their business and come kick the door in.

He held it back over my face as my arms flailed, and I tried to get away. Pulling it back, he kissed my lips and then held it back over my face. “I love you, Blair, but I will kill you… no shame. I want you, and if you won’t take me back, then no fucking body else will have you.”

My consciousness kept coming in and out, as all I saw was water in my vision and darkness.

“What the… Blair,” I heard Alaia’s voice as I hyperventilated while standing near the shower.

Ever since that day, I never showered with the shower water running over me. I would step in, stand all the way to the back and extend my hand, and wash up in the back of the shower. Each time I needed to rinse, I would quickly jump underneath with my neck extended all the way back, while my heart sped up.

While in Bali, I was nervous about how I would shower sharing a room with Quasim. He would see my weird antics from trauma and really run away from me. Each time he left the room, I used it as my time to quickly shower, without him seeing me. InBali, I had to talk myself down because it was a rain shower head that came from the ceiling.

Imagine my surprise when I stayed at the lake house with him, and it had the same showerhead. It was something hard to explain to him, without looking stupid. I knew it wasn’t stupid, but I felt stupid being scared of the shower.

Each time the shower ran, the thoughts always flooded my brain like a virus I couldn’t get rid of.

“Breathe, babe… take a deep breath in… and let it out,” Alaia coached me like I had coached her many classes.

She rubbed my back as I stood by the shower completely naked. The showers at the private hospital had a rain forest shower head, and I thanked God when I saw the handle you could use if you wanted it handheld.

While grabbing my body scrub, it fell onto the switch that turned on the other showerhead and my entire body from head to toe was drenched. I quickly jumped out and tried to recover, but I found myself holding onto the railing, having a panic attack while naked.

Alaia pulled a towel over my shoulders as we both slid down onto the floor in the bathroom. Pulling me into her, she rocked as I cried in her arms, tired of this. Tired of hiding it like it was some secret that I had done to myself.

I sobbed as Alaia took my hands and kissed them while staring into my eyes. “I cannot imagine what you’re going through, but let me in. I want to be there for you.”

I hugged her so tightly as she rubbed my back. As I sobbed, I told her everything that Tyshawn had done to me. Her body stiffened, however, her hand never stopped rubbing my back and consoling me.

She pulled me back and stared into my eyes. “Does Quasim know?”