Page 70 of Quasim III: King Inferno

Zoya leaned on the sink next to her. “Babes, tell us how you’re feeling. Do we need to head to the clinic or be planning the baby shower?”

I shoved Zoya. “She’s happily married… no clinics… right?”

Capri laughed. “You know how they say the mind is the strongest muscle? When I took a test a few weeks ago, the line was faint, and I convinced myself that it was negative.”

“Girl, the damn positive sign is nearly jumping off the stink… that thang bold.” Zoya put it closer to her face, as if Capri hadn’t just pissed on its moments before.

I leaned on her. “You can be honest with us about how you feel… I know you weren’t the biggest fan of having another right away.”

“Cherry is about to turn a year old and here I am, pregnant again. I’m not sad, mad or even angry… this baby was made with love with my husband. I’m just like… damn, a bitch about to be sitting down again. No bikes, drinks, or any damn thing.”

“Yeah, girl… I feel you.” I snickered and she pinched me.

Zoya snorted. “Bitch, you having another one soon as you drop that one. Gonna give King all those damn babies… make up for you two playing games.”

I laughed. “If he wants to have another one right after this one… imma do a split on it so he can plant it right there. He can get anything out of me right now… since he wanted to be dramatic and almost die.”

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Capri laughed so hard she snorted. “I really can’t stand you right now. This better be his boy because I am as good as done after this one.”

“Until you in here screaming about another positive test… be fruitful and multiply with your husbands.”

Me and Capri both looked at Zoya as she continued to look at the pregnancy test in her hand. “And when you gonna give Goon his babies?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to get over this breakup… not thinking about Gerald or a baby right now. I just need to get my mind together… it gets to the point where the strong one doesn’t feel so strong anymore.”

Capri climbed down from the sink as we both stood on opposite sides of Zoya. I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Zoy.”

She continued to mess with the pregnancy test, giving her something to focus on other than her emotions. Zoya was the friend that you never had to worry about because she always had it together. In my opinion, those were the friends that you needed to worry about the most. Zoya always had it figured out and was always one phone call away. You never knew she was going through life because she never allowed anyone to witness it. Caging her emotions had been something she had learned to deal with.

Knowing that she was raised by Menace and lost her parents young, it made sense why she was emotionally unavailable. Why she chose to keep her emotions and feelings close to her heart. It was her way of protecting herself and never allowing anyone to get so close to her that they could hurt her.

“I was wasting his time anyway… it needed to happen.”

Capri held her hand. “You cared about him. It’s alright to admit that, too, Zoya. There’s nothing wrong with loving the person that you were with. Baby mamas, and beef with your brother aside, you really loved him and saw a future with him.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever have children.” As she spoke, she continued to fiddle with the test in her hands, never making eye contact. “Me and Sigel were trying for a baby.”

As shocked as me and Capri both were, we remained quiet and allowed her to speak without judgment.

“Before you hoes jump down my throat, I knew it was wrong. I didn’t care because I wanted my own family… a little personto keep my legacy going. Someone that won’t leave me because they can’t,” she laughed a bit before sniffling and wiping her tears.

Capri squeezed her. “We’re family… I know that doesn’t take away the desire of becoming a mother, but I want you to know that you have us, too. You’re not in this alone.”

“And you have your siblings… they love you, too, Zoya,” I added.

“I guess seeing my brother become a husband, and now about to be a father has me in my feelings… it was easy to ignore having children because no one thought Menace would do it. I’d deny it, but he makes me want to have what he has with Stevie… someone that chooses him. Knows his struggles but still makes the conscious effort to be there. Shit like that matters to us Casellis, because we’ve never had that. Never had anyone to choose us.”

I never pretended to know all that Zoya had gone through. Her brother was Menace Caselli, which was enough said. My girl struggled with things, and she covered them up because that was how she had been raised. He had a plan for all of them, and they were to stick to the plans he made. Menace never cared about wives or children, so it was easy to make sure his siblings stuck to the plan he had made for them.

Now that he was a husband with a child on the way, it was hard for Zoya to stick to that same plan. As most people did, she yearned to have what her brother had. He had found love, and she only wanted what she had been deprived of since losing her parents.

True love.

“Kora has found that with her new man, right” Capri smiled, trying to give her hope that she would find the same kind of love.

“Kora is not in love with that white man. She chooses white men because they are safe and easy. She doesn’t have to fallin love and pretend to be in love… no emotional attachment because her feelings are never involved.”

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