Page 30 of Matrimonial Merger

“I just… I want to get our lives on the road. I want to marry you and live. I want to know this baby will be okay and start our lives together. I want to put the past behind me and own my future.”

“And you will,” I promised.

“Then why do I feel like I am stuck in this grey area?”

I kissed the top of her head. “You’ve been through something unimaginable, baby. You were tested and pulled back into the abuse—and very publicly so! I think it is okay to feel a little out of it. Give yourself time. Just enjoy the quiet now.”

She paused, then said, “You’re right. I need to give myself more credit. This was exhausting. And being pregnant alone is a lot. I love you, Cal. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. And you will feel better after this appointment.”

“I hope so,” Daphne said. “I hope we will get some good news.”

“We will,” I said.

“I missed you so much,” Daphne said. “Just this… the safety and the quiet. I could just go on like this. Thank you.”

“For what, baby?”

“For just… being good. For just being honest and here for me. This year has been a disaster. We haven’t even made it to the anniversary of Dad’s death. Cal, it hasn’t even been a year, but it feels like a good forever all the same.”

“A good forever?” I asked.

“Because I feel like you were always meant to end up with me—and me with you. But it doesn’t feel like an eternity in a bad way.”

I kissed her slowly, understanding what she meant. It took us time to get here, but now that we were, I couldn’t imagine life without her. It wasn’t fleeting. It wasn’t scary.

I pulled back and said, “There is nothing missing.”

“What?”

“There’s no sense of some big elephant in the room,” I insisted, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You are the most wonderful person and I feel completely and utterly sure of this.”

“Well, then, I guess you should marry me,” Daphne snickered.

“I cannot explain it, but… I have always had a ‘what if’ playing in the background. With Kristy, I knew she couldn’t give me what I wanted—even if I refused to admit it. It wasn’t that I wasn’t committed. I just wanted different things. With you, I was always hook, line, and sinker, Daph.”

“It just took us time to be on the same trajectory,” Daphne agreed. “I must admit I kicked myself many times for listening to you in that elevator. I think about the what-ifs of it. What if I’d been brave enough to send Chandler home and love you anyway? What if I’d just called you out?—”

“I wasn’t ready,” I admitted. “I wasn’t going to settle down or risk my career then. I was stupid to think you weren’t worth it. I’m ashamed of it, Daphne. I think about it, too. But the truth? I wasn’t mature enough to love you like you deserved—to put you first always.”

“Why now then?”

“I have watched everything slip away. I knew what I wanted. And what I wanted was this—a peaceful life with someone who is there at night. A life where I am free to dote on you, but where you do not need me to always rescue you.”

“I can save myself. You remind me of that enough.”

“And you do.” I smiled down at her. “You are beyond wonderful, Daphne. I am so lucky.”

“You’re also nuts.”

“A little. But who isn’t?”

She ran her index finger down my chest and bit her lip, knowing it would send me over the edge. Suddenly, I was awake and wanting much more than to roll over and go to sleep.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you?” Daphne asked.

“Yeah if it ’s not too much to ask. Only if?—”

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