Page 86 of The Devoted Husband

“The minute he started fixating on your baby, I should have known he’d stopped,” Vanessa said. “I’m so sorry. We should have caught it sooner.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, but I really appreciate you telling me. I’d been trying to figure out where we went wrong for things to get so crazy between us, and this makes it make sense. He was like a completely different person toward the end...and now I know why.” Sade blinked back her tears, guilt sitting on her heart for a different reason now. “How didn’t I notice the changes? Why didn’t I say something? Instead, I just...pushed him away.”

“Oh, please, don’t do that,” Vanessa said. “We’re carrying enough guilt over this situation. You don’t need to. The truth is, Atlas was a grown man, and he chose to stop taking his medicine.”

“How’d you find out that was what happened?”

“We noticed the pill bottle in his bathroom when we went through his things. I checked the date he’d gotten it, and he hadn’t taken any of the pills.”

“Wow.”

“So, it’s not your fault. None of this was. We’ll probably never know why he chose to stop taking his medicine, but that was his choice. We just wanted you to know.”

“Thanks again for telling me,” Sade said, unsure what else could be said.

“Of course, and good luck with your delivery.”

Sade waved at them both before turning and going to the car. Dante got out and opened the door for her, and she was glad Vanessa and Clay went inside without saying anything. The moment Dante drove away, Sade started to tell him everything.

By the time she finished, his response was, “Damn. How do you feel about that now?”

“This gave me some peace, but it also made me feel bad. Like I’m able to now say I know why things changed, but I feel a little guilty because I didn’t try to help him figure out what was going on. And I know that wasn’t my responsibility, but it makes me feel like I should have been more concerned about someone I said I cared about. He was exhibiting abnormal, unstable behavior. What if I would have just tried to figure out why?”

“Might I offer a different perspective?” Sade nodded. “I don’t think he wanted you to know, Smiley. If he did, he would have told you. That’s not something you just forget to tell the person you’re seeing. He intentionally kept that from you. So, I don’t think your asking would have made a difference. It was his choice to keep that from you, and it was his choice to stop taking his medicine.”

“That’s what Vanessa said.”

“And I agree. I also don’t want you to feel guilty over this. It wasn’t your battle. I don’t want you taking this on and making yourself upset. This was a very unfortunate situation all the way around, but it wasn’t your fault at all.”

“Thank you, baby. I needed that.”

Dante took her hand into his and kissed it. His words and Vanessa’s assurance made Sade feel a little better, but she knew it would take some time before she shook away the lingering guilt.

Dante

New Year’s Eve

While joy and laughter permeated the room, Dante was stuck in his thoughts. His parents had invited the family over to bring in the new year, and Dante agreed to come, but he planned to return home before midnight to celebrate with Sade.

Since learning about Atlas’s condition, Sade had been a pang in his heart. Even with her trying to release the guilt, he knew her well enough to know the moments she sank into it. The moments she’d disassociate and become trapped by the thoughts in her mind. Every time they happened, it made Dante feel a little worse.

She might not have said it, but he questioned if she resented him for killing Atlas. If she’d created a story in her head that excused his actions...would it no longer justify Dante’s reaction? As he swirled his glass around, Dante stared at the brown liquor. His father sat beside him, and Dante tried to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

“If you ain’t want to party, you should’ve stayed home,” Deandre teased, nudging Dante’s shoulder.

That got a smile out of him. “I’m trying to stay locked in. Just got a lot on my mind.”

“This is about that boy?”

Dante had already shared what happened with his father. He thought talking about it once would get it off his mind, but that wasn’t the case. The thoughts lingered, triggered every time Sade seemed to be triggered by her own.

“Yeah. I’m watching her grieve the man I killed. I don’t know what to do.”

“Is she really grieving him, or is she grieving that situation?”

“Is there a difference?”

Deandre chuckled and took a sip of his drink. “Oh, there’s a big difference. If she’s grieving the man, that’ll take longer for her to process. And there’s a chance she never will. If she’s grieving the situation, she’ll heal from that with time. It’ll just take her mind connecting with her heart and shutting some of those negative feelings off.”

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