Page 38 of Christmas In Love

“What?”

“Go ahead and ask all the questions your medical brain is sifting through.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her face was emotionless. “That isn’t a medical question.”

Cade narrowed his eyes at her. “Natalie. Isthisthe reason you left?This?” Anger boiled up inside him. Anger and disbelief.

Her shoulders sagged. “Yes. Partially.”

“Partially?”

She nodded, staring down at her hands.

When she didn’t say anything more, Cade stood, pacing towards the kitchenette on the other side of the room. “What happened, Nat? Please.”

She took a shuddering breath and glanced at the door. Then she sighed as if giving into the fact that she couldn’t run from him. “My mom had just announced marriage number three. For a while, I think I’d been looking for an excuse to ruin what we had. I saw where we were headed, and I was terrified that I was going to ruin your life by somehow becoming my mother. Then when my bloodwork came back indicating that I had this… this… disease… I took the excuse. After all, I knew you wanted a family more than anything. I knew you wanted kids. And I couldn’t give that to you. I can’t have children, Cade. I’ll probably never be able to.”

“That’s not entirely true, Nat. You have to know that medical advancements are making things like IVF possible, even in your condition. Plus, do you really think that would make me turn my back on you? Love you any less?” His heart was thudding in his chest, his emotions ranging from livid anger that she’d never told him this, and blossoming hope that this might be the only thing between them now.

“Yes. I did.”

“Then you didn’t know me like I thought you did.”

“Oh come on, that isn’t fair. We both know you wanted a family of your own.Wantone.”

“Biological kids are not the only families, Nat!” His emotions swung towards anger. “Even just having you would have been enough.Wewould have been a family!”Nat closed her eyes. Her skin was still too pale.

“I recognize that I didn’t handle things as well as I should have, but I did try to talk to you.”

“When, Nat? I think I would have remembered the conversation.” His voice rose.

“The night I found out. You came over for dinner, and I asked you about kids. I asked if you could ever see yourself in a marriage where there were none. I asked if someone not wanting kids would be a deal-breaker.” Her eyes cut into him. “You said you couldn’t see a marriage being complete without kids. You told me I was crazy for even asking.”

Cade’s mind spun, trying to place the conversation. Then he remembered. At least, vaguely. His car had been the target of a hit-and-run and he’d spent an hour with a police officer cataloging the incident. He’d been in a bad mood. Not that that was an excuse. “So you based the future of our relationship on one conversation?”

“I’m sorry, Cade. I said I didn’t handle it well, and I’m fully aware of that. But by the time I’d recovered from the emotional upheaval of the news, I’d already ruined what we had. I figured it was for the best. You wanted kids; I couldn’t give them to you. End of story.”

“And now, Nat? Why not tell me sometime in the last two weeks? You know I’m still interested.”

She rubbed the side of her head, looking exhausted. “My last four years haven’t been great in the dating department. I had more than a few relationships that either ghosted me or kindly broke up with me soon after I told them about my condition. I guess I’ve just come to accept that I’m damaged goods, and no man would ever want me. Plus, you have a life in Denver. One without me.”

April stepped back into the room, cutting off Cade’s response. He ground his teeth as she spoke. “I have water and a snack, then I think we should get you home. I’ll come back after and oversee the cleanup. You should rest.”

Nat came to her feet, not meeting Cade’s eyes. “That sounds great, thanks.”

Cade wanted to go after her, but something kept him glued to the spot.

“And thank you, Cade,” Nat whispered. Then she left.

Chapter 12

Natalie

Nataliesatatthecheck-in desk, staring unseeing at the computer screen. Her head hurt and her eyes were still puffy from all her crying the night before. For the first time in four years, she’d confronted her beliefs about herself. She’d told Cade the truth, yes, but she’d also been honest with herself. When she got down to the core of it, she’d felt unlovable even before the POF diagnosis.

But, in the middle of her self-honesty—somewhere between bemoaning ever breaking up with Cade and trying to decide if it had actually been the selfless thing she’d tried to convince herself that it was, she’d realized something. No, she hadn’t been given great examples of love through her parents, but she’d been given them through other relationships. April, Cade, Cade’s family, and even her guests had shown her the acceptance and love that her family never had. Just because her own family was a mess, didn’t mean she was one in her relationships.

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