Page 77 of The Dangers of Daydreaming

“Yes, just a few minutes ago.”

“What did they say?”

“That there’s nothing of concern.”

Gram blinked sleep-filled eyes, nodding along. “Good. And what’s the next step? What are we looking for moving forward?”

“Oh. I, uh, I didn’t ask.”

She didn’t look disappointed or judgmental, just pushed all the way to a stand. “I’ll go ask them.”

She was past me and into the hall before I could say another word. I should have just asked the nurse myself—it was an important question, and I should have known Gram would want to know all the information she could. But I couldn’t do this one thing for her. One small question, and she wouldn’t have needed to drag herself from bed in the middle of the night to make up for my deficiencies.

Somewhere in my head, I knew I was being too hard on myself, but it was all crashing in on me at once. Like too many large waves in sequence, I couldn’t get my head above water to take a deep breath. Everywhere I looked in my life, I felt like I was failing. I’d failed out of school, lied to my grandparents, been an extra concern to them during this hard time instead of the help I should have been… all because I’d been focused on myself instead of others.

I’d told myself it was because the future was unreliable. I’d told myself that I was just living in the moment and more people could stand to do that, but in reality, I was being ultra-controlling. I was controlling how I lived so tightly, it had bled into others’ lives.

Even with Lucy. I’d used her for days as a distraction. Straight upusedher. And would I have taken no for an answer if she’d continued giving it to me about the date? No. She’d told me up front that she was worried about what happened next after a first date. But instead of making her feel better about the future—being willing to plan ahead a bit and think about a second date or a third and reassure her this wasn’t a fling—I’d just wormed my way into my one singular date.

I knew I wanted more than that. So why, for her sake, could I not just allow myself to look a few steps ahead and swallow the fear that in planning for the future, the universe would somehow get wind of my desires and toss them back in my face.

I paced to the window, knuckling the windowsill and leaning closer, watching the stars. Trying to think beyond myself. Trying to place myself in this massive world and figure out what I’d been doing wrong and… and how I was going to get the courage to change it all. In a way, I guess I was becoming a little like my dad. He’d always chosen the easy route—embezzling, ditching his kid, even only coming to visit when it pleased him instead of anyone else. If I didn’t make some change soon, I could very well become him.

And I would not do that.

The door opened behind me, and I spun. Gram was coming in, a slight limp to her walk that was evidence of how stiff her sleep had been.

I walked forward. I still didn’t know exactly how or what to change, but I was going to give it an effort.

“What did they say?” I asked.

She looked surprised. “Well, they said there’s no handbook for this sort of thing. His breathing is stable, and his brain waves are healthy. He just hasn’t woken up.”

“And the plan?”

Her brows lifted a little. “Tomorrow, they will continue the antibiotics and monitoring. The nurse said that the coma, though scary, is his body’s way of protecting itself while it heals, so they will be doing everything they can to aid the healing before attempting to medically wake him. They want to give him a few days first. But he’s stable, and that’s what matters.”

“Okay.” I pushed my hands into my sweats’ pockets. “And what do you need from me?”

She gave a small smile. “It would be great if you could keep things going while I’m gone. Of course, you can be with Pops as much as you need, though.”

“And selling? How can I help with that?” It was clear now that it was the best way to relieve some burden on my grandparents. Stupid of me not to see it before.

To my horror, moisture filled her eyes. She grasped my upper arm and gave me a smile. “Thank you, Finn.” She swallowed, and shuffled to her bed, then sat. “Let’s talk more tomorrow.”

“Of course. Goodnight, Gram.”

My stomach felt like it was full of snakes at the instability of everything around me, but I also felt a strange sense of calm. For the first time, despite everything, I was doing the right thing.

Chapter 23

Changing

Lucy

Istayeduptoolate. For someone whose mental capabilities had given up in the early afternoon, I was shocked by how long I lasted. But I had a new project and food ordered in from one of the amazing restaurants Finn had gotten on our date.

Somewhere around one o’clock, there was a light knock on the door. Surprised, I unfolded my stiff legs to get it.

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