Page 90 of The Dangers of Daydreaming

Finn

Icouldseethecorner of my phone’s screen when it lit up in Gram’s purse. The despot had grounded me from using it until they weaned me off my pain meds, but now she was in the bathroom, and if I could just lean a little out of bed, I might be able to find out who was messaging me. My fingers were crossed for Lucy.

I missed her. Physically missed her like it was a weight on my chest. And if I wasn’t confident that she liked me too, I might have been embarrassed by how bad the pain was of her being thousands of miles away, and my only way to contact her being just out of reach.

Maybe I’d use my nurse call button and have her grab me the phone. That definitely wouldn’t be a misuse of power.

The door opened—either Gram was back, or the nurse heard my telepathic plea.

The hopeful smile on my face slid right off when I saw the man there.

“Dad.”

“Hey, kid.” He stepped hesitantly into the room, and my hand fisted around the blanket on my hospital bed. Why was he here? And how could I get him to leave?

His eyes looked everywhere but at me, eventually focusing on the screen by my bed that constantly beeped my vital signs. There was a furrow between hisbrows and a tightness to his jaw, and I hated to see it all. Hated that there was a small part of me that was relieved to see his concern.

Abruptly, he turned, pushing his hands into his pockets and setting his steely gaze on me. “They treating you okay?”

“Why are you here, Dad?” The word felt foreign in my mouth. I wasn’t even sure why I called him that. Physically, he was clearly my father, with that dark hair and green eyes. Even his build was like mine—not massive, but enough to fill a shirt like the button-up he wore now. It was almost like looking in a mirror, except for the gray starting to streak his hair and the excess lines around his eyes and mouth.

It was cruel that I looked so much like the person who’d let me down most in my life.

To his credit, he didn’t back down from my point-blank question. “Mom called me.”

Someone needed to take away Gram’s phone, too, apparently.

“Oh, yeah. Pops is down the hall.” I’d forgotten about his promised visit. Frankly, I’d assumed he’d cancelled. He always cancelled.

He shook his head. “She called me about you, too, not just Pops.”

I met his eyes, forcing myself to stand up for the younger me that had always been let down and had been too young to feel capable of changing that.

“She shouldn’t have. You didn’t need to come.”

His jaw worked, and I braced myself for the excuses I always got. He was really busy, flights were hard to find, and he didn’t think I’d want him there.

He was right about that last one.

And yet, something deep down had loosened a little to know that a broken femur and a coma at least warranted a visit. What a high bar.

“I’m really sorry, Finn.”

I stared at him. Had those words really come from his mouth? And without a single excuse piling up behind them like a multi-car accident?

He swallowed, shaking his head. “I know I’ve screwed up. And I’m sorry.”

What was I supposed to say? I didn’t forgive him. It couldn’t come that easily, and I frankly wasn’t sure how much he meant it. I cleared my throat to give myself a moment of procrastination.

“I haven’t even seen you in years,” I finally said.

“Yeah, but—” He cut himself off, and my brows raised. He wasn’t going to defend himself? “You’re right. I should have been around more. I… I don’t mean this as an excuse, but I didn’t think you’d want that. You guys have such a good thing going here.” He waved around the room, and I almost laughed. Two-thirds of our little three-person unit were currently in the hospital. “I didn’t want to screw that up.”

I pushed out a heavy breath. Having a heart-to-heart had not been in my plans for, well, ever. But here we were, and after taking time to think about my future lately… I was pretty tired of hanging onto all the crap in my past. I nodded at my dad. “Yeah, I can see that. But you were the adult, you should have put in the effort, even just a little. It shouldn’t have mattered that I was happy with Gram and Pops.Youwere my dad.”

He nodded, his throat working in a swallow. “I’d like to change that, Finn. I want to be here more, and for us to talk more.”

My defenses were still up. I wanted to rain down all of his misdeeds on him. But watching him now, standing so stiff next to my bed, and his eyes so intently on me, the air left my sails. We all make mistakes. I wasn’t about to absolve him of literally abandoning me as a kid—that was a lot to work through, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to move completely past it—but he was, at the end of the day, a human. And just like Lucy had been willing to take a chance on me changing and planning for our future, I wanted to give that same chance to my dad. Plus, I wanted to not have to fall off a roof to see him again… it didn’t seem like a situation I wanted to repeat.

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