Page 49 of Beautiful Broken Love

We were practicing in Element Recreation Center, the members-only gym I co-owned with Javier. We often left it open to members after we did our workouts and training, which was usually four times a week from six to eleven in the morning.

Some of the money made from memberships went into the gym for our employees or for repairs, but nearly all of it was used as donations for our nonprofit charity, Kids in Element. Sometimes we brought the kids in and would shoot hoops with them.

During Christmas, we made sure the kids had gifts they could unwrap, and if a utility or medical bill was brought to our attention, we took care of it for the parents. I was damn proud of our charity and wouldn’t have co-owned it with anyone else but Javier.

It was easy to get lost in time at Element, surrounded by basketball goals and the scent of sweet orange leather. This was the perfect place for me to sweat out all the stress. That was what I wanted to do that day—work out all my frustrations and focus on getting better for the next season—but it just wasn’t happening for me.

I chucked the ball back at Javier. He caught my equally hard throw, tucking the ball under his arm and resting it on his waist. “What the hell is going on with you, eh? You have been off all morning. It is like your head is not in the game.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s not,” I muttered.

Javier blew an irritated breath as I turned away to grab my water bottle. “You askedmeto come and train withyou, Deke. You made me put up money for this time with Ken. If you are not in the mood to train, then why the hell am I here?”

“I asked you to join me two weeks ago,” I said over my shoulder. “A lot of shit changes in two weeks.”

“Even so, you never let whatever is bothering you interfere with training.”

I glanced over my shoulder, and Javier’s forehead was wrinkled with concern. Some of his black hair was glued to his forehead, and sweatstained the upper half of his shirt. I turned completely as Ken made his way back to us in his tracksuit. He’d run off to call his wife.

I sat on one of the chairs on the sidelines and guzzled down more water. Javier walked my way, lifting the bottom half of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. I never understood why he did that. We had clean towels in literally every corner of the basketball gym and even in the strength training and conditioning rooms.

With a sigh, Javier sat next to me and lifted his water bottle, giving it a squeeze as he held it above his mouth. After guzzling a few sips down, he said, “I know you, Deke.” His gaze was ahead, focused on Ken, who was setting cones up for another drill. “You are in your head.” Through my peripheral vision, I saw his head turn to look at me. “What isreallygoing on with you?”

I stared at the white lines on the glazed wooden floors. “You’re gonna think it’s stupid.”

“I don’t think anything you say can be more stupid than whatever comes out of EJ’s mouth.”

I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s notthatstupid.”

Javier leaned forward, resting his elbows on top of his thighs. When he crossed his fingers, he said, “Tell me what’s up.”

I flicked my gaze to his, and he looked at me closely, waiting for me to speak. I wanted to tell him about my parents and what my sister told me, but I’d never spoken to anyone about that situation. It was too personal—too fucked up—and though that was a major reason why my head wasn’t in the training, it mostly had to do with someone else.

“It’s this girl,” I said, sitting up straight again.

“Ah.” Javier fought a smile. “I had a feeling.”

“I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t about Giselle.”

That caused his smile to slip. “No?”

“No. It’s this woman I’ve been working with. Her skin care company endorsed me, and when I met her, there was just something about her that I liked. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but it wassomething, you know? I mean, yeah, she’s sexy as hell—more than a ten, in my opinion—butthat’s not what kept me wanting to know her. When we talked, we had this automatic connection. It was like our dynamic wasn’t forced. Conversation was easy with her. You get it, I’m sure. About forcing conversations for the sake of it?”

“Oh, trust me. I do get it,” he said. “So you like this woman?”

“I do like her ... but she’s a little complicated and hard to read sometimes, especially through text. We’ve been emailing back and forth for a good month and a half, but I sent her my number a few days ago so we could text or call, even, and ever since then, I feel like our dynamic has changed.”

“Well, why wouldn’t she want to call you after all those emails?”

“Because we’re only supposed to be friends. I can tell she doesn’t want more than that.”

Javier scoffed. “Why the hell not?”

“I told you her situation is complicated, man.” I paused, prepping myself to tell him the worst part. “Look, she lost her husband sometime last year. He died from spinal cancer.”

Javier’s dark-brown eyes stretched while all his other features collapsed. “Oh.” Then his eyebrows dipped as he said, “Shit, Deke.” I had a feeling this was striking a chord with him by the way he hunched forward.

“Yeah. I know. I’ve been checking in with her, and I know she’s not ready to move on from him. I mean, he was her husband, right? She needs that time to process, so I get it, I really do, but at this point I’m thinking I need to back off, because I can’t be just a friend to her. I’m greedy, Valdez. I want more.”

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