“I don’t care enough to figure it out,” I said after a while.
“You know, Rose”—she sighed, folding one leg over the other—“it’s hard to let friendships like the one you had with Eve go. It’s okay to feel brokenhearted about that too. You didn’t just split apart from your husband. You also split from a long-term friend. That was a relationship you cultivated over many years. You don’t simply stop caring about that person because they wronged you.”
“I don’t want to care,” I told her, eyes burning.Great. The tears were on the way. “I just . . . I don’t get why I still bother checking on her, or calling her, or looking into anything she does, when she practically ruined my life and any chance of happiness that I had.”
“I get that.” She paused. “And you still haven’t spoken to her since that night you caught her?”
“No. She tried getting in touch with me for about a month, but I think she gave up when she realized I was never going to answer.”
“What if you’d run into her today?” she asked. “What if she’d been home when you checked on her for Zoey? What would you have done?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, swallowing thickly. “I guess I would’ve just told her to give her sister a call and then left.”
“Okay. But what if Eve stopped you and asked for a word? What if she wanted to apologize?”
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t let her.”
“Why not? Don’t you think she owes you an apology?”
“She does, but that doesn’t mean she deserves my forgiveness.”
The room fell silent, my words clinging to the walls like ice and turning the place frigid.
“Look, I know we all make mistakes,” I said, attempting to warm the room again. “I know we’re all human and we mess up . . . but this isn’t something I can just forgive. I’ve forgiven her so many times for things she’s done that have hurt me. But what she did with Cole was just . . . it wasultimatedeception. She doesn’t just get to apologize like before and expect me to accept it.”
“I understand that.” Cristine studied me. “Do you still have the urge to be violent?” To slap someone again, is what she meant.
“Well, last night I did let one of my coworkers know her boyfriend was cheating on her after hearing her shit-talk me in the bathroom, so . . .”
Cristine almost laughed. Her lip quirked up on one side, but she regained her composure. Much too professional to let my pettiness break her role. “But no one was physically harmed?” she inquired.
“No. I don’t have the urge to physically harm anyone . . . unless they try to hurt me first, of course.”
“Okay. Well, that’s good. That’s progress.” She paused, tapping the end of her pen on her notepad. “Do you still think about the attack that happened to you?”
“Every day,” I answered, averting my gaze.
“Do you feel like that may contribute to why you struck Cole? Perhaps you had some pent-up frustrations about that as well? You didn’t react to the attack like you wanted but had the opportunity to do something about your anguish this time?”
“I don’t know. But I took it easy on Cole by only slapping him, in my opinion.” My leg began to bounce as I tried to ward off thoughts of the attack. I squeezed my eyes shut, drew in a shaky breath and released it.
“Okay, Rose. Here’s what I want you to do.”
I opened my eyes to see her place her notepad face down and set her pen on top of it.
“I want you to put yourself in Zoey’s shoes. She relies on you and is a person who loves you very much.”
I blinked to ward off tears. “Okay?”
“What would you do if Diana hadn’t answered her phone in days, but you called Zoey to figure things out because she’s closest to Diana at the moment? How would you feel if Zoey told you she didn’t care to look into it, even though you were extremely concerned?”
“I would feel frustrated. And a little . . . lost, I guess.”
“Right.” She smiled empathetically. “You may be wanting to put Eve in your past, but Zoey will still be in your future. You have a good heart, Rose. So what I want you to do is hold on to the goodness that resides in you. Your heart may feel like it’s frozen over a bit, but don’t forget about the love you have for the people who’ve kept it warm over the years.”
Damn. She’s good.
CHAPTER SIX