Page 77 of Whispers of the Lake

I’m so sorry, she whispered again.

Believe it or not, despite the mess she’d created and the hurt that still lingered in my chest, Iforgaveher.

“It’s okay,” I mumbled.

The last thing I remember is smiling before closing my eyes and drifting out of consciousness.

Eve Castillo journal entry

Here’s something people are aware of but will never fully accept. Hurt people really do hurt other people. It’s the biggest fucking cliché but it’s one hundred percent true. We hurt others because the pain inside us runs so deep and throbs so hard that it’s impossible to ignore. No amount of therapy, of traveling, of journaling, of reading self-help books, or any of that worldly bullshit will help.

Because once you realize no one will apologize for the way they treated you, you build resentment. Anger. Envy. You want others to feel that too, just so they can understand you a little more. All so you can say, “Do you feel that? The crack forming in your heart? Yeah, well, it’s only going to get bigger as the days pass and there isn’t shit you can do about it.”

I wish I wasn’t the kind of person to hurt. I wish I had a good heart like Rose, like Zoey. I wish I was a good person who was okay living life at bare minimum. I can’t blame anyone for my actions. I’m responsible for anything that comes my way. Like Pa, I do bad things. I try to reward men with my body, my words, my smile, but eventually it doesn’t work anymore, and I’m caught up in a web.

All I know is no matter how hard Karma hits me, I’m ready for her.

Whatever she gives me, I’ll probably deserve it.

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

“Ibelieve I can pinpoint why you returned to Sage Hill even though you knew it was dangerous to do so.” Cristine studied me from the other side of the room as she sat in her plush, oatmeal-colored chair.

She smiled as I digested her words. It had been four days since the madness in Sage Hill. My upper lip was still a bit swollen, and I swear I could still feel Victor’s grip on the back of my neck, squeezing with intense pressure.

“Help me understand it,” I said, sighing as I rubbed the top of my spine.

Cristine closed her notebook and placed it on the coffee table. “Your mother went into a burning building to save one of her coworkers and never came back out.”

My chest constricted at the mention of my mom. I ignored the knot forming in my throat, nodding as I waited for her to continue.

“Based on what you’ve told me about your mother, she was a very selfless and loving person. She literally sacrificed her life to try and save another. And I think, whether you realize it or not, you have a deep desire to be just like her. You feel you have something to prove now that she’s gone. Or perhaps you think you need to fill her shoes.

“On the surface, you tell yourself you’d never run into a fire or, say, jump into an ocean full of sharks to save someone. . . but that’s exactly what happened when it came to Eve. The danger was there. It was imminent and youknewthis, but you returned to Sage Hill anyway. You were hoping to save someone. But it’s impossible to save everyone, Rose.”

“I know,” I murmured.

“You carry a lot of weight on your shoulders. And you’re so hard on yourself. Do you know that?”

I nodded again, a rawness coating my throat.

“You have to realize that every situation you encounter doesn’t have to be solved byyou. Unless it directly impacts your life, sometimes you have to let things run their course.”

“But if I hadn’t looked for Eve, I might’ve never found out what happened to her.”

“True, but it was still out of your control.”

I huffed a humorless laugh. “I feel like I’m being scolded.”

“No, no. I promise I’m not scolding you,” she replied in a gentle voice. “I just want you to open your mind to the facts. Sometimes we have to face these ugly truths in order to protect ourselves. Just like the situation with Cole and Eve. You never saw it coming. There was absolutely nothing you could’ve done to prevent it. I know you tell yourself if you’d come home sooner, or if you’d called ahead of time, that it never would’ve happened. But it would have. Maybe not that day, or the next, but eventually. Why? Because you can’t control other people’s urges or desires, even if that person promised to commit themselves to you.”

Wow. That was a tough pill to swallow.

“So, I want you to work on this,” she went on, straightening in her chair. “I want you to start focusing on your well-being and putting yourself first. It’s a miracle what happened in Sage Hill. You used your resources and exposed the truth. You saved a mother and a daughter, kept them united. You put a horrible man in custody for murder, they were able to find your friend’s body, and you helped a town get rid of a crooked sheriff.” Dr. Cristine gave me a proud smile.

“That’s true,” I murmured.

“Though you did all those things, eventually you’ll have to put them behind you. Don’t let it linger or weigh you down. Keep going.” She studied me for a moment, her eyes softening. “You say you saw Eve the night you found out who murdered her. Do you truly believe she was telling you goodbye?”

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